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Answering machine message 81
Hello, this is KVKE, you're on the air.
Answering machine message 82
Hello, you're caller number nine!
You are listening to 91.5 FM, KXQK. This is the Canadian Broadcorping
Castration. I am your host, Fred, and I will be with you for the next 20
seconds. After that we'll play your requests. Leave yours with us, and we'll try
to fit it in, given programming constraints. Thank you for listening to our
show.
Answering machine message 83
Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak.
This is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72...
Answering machine message 84
This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast
System. This is only a test.
Answering machine message 85
Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right
now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly
about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following
words: orange... mother... vacation... apple... I'll get back to you with my
diagnosis as soon as possible.
Answering machine message 86
Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System. If you are trying to
reach Heaven, please press 1. For Valhalla, press 2. For Hades, press 3. If you
are trying to reach Nirvana, you're going about it all wrong, so we certainly
can't help you. If you'd just like to leave a message for Sean, wait for the
beep.
Answering machine message 87
Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter": Hi, you've reached
Hell. (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of
eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message,
we'll get back to you at the end of time.
Answering machine message 88
To the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries":
Leave a message... Leave a message...
Answering machine message 89
Madonna's "Justify My Love"; sultry voice:
Wanting...
Waiting...
For you,
To justify your call...
Answering machine message 90
Pink Floyd's "Nobody Home":
You have reached 587-8783. Please leave a message. ("Ohhhhhhhhh, babe... When I
pick up the phone... There's still... Nobody home.")
Answering machine message 91
(Guns & Roses' "Civil War":) What we've got here is... Failure to
communicate. Some men you just can't reach... I don't like it any more than you
do.
Answering machine message 92
Meat Loaf's "I'd Do Anything For Love":
And I would do anything for calls,
I promise I will call you back;
I would do anything for calls,
But I can't talk right now and that's a fact.
I'm not home right now, so I just can't answer the phone,
No way,
But I would do anything for calls,
Oh, I would do anything for calls!
Just let me know who it was who called,
And I'll call you back!
Yes, I'll call you back!
Just leave a message at the tone,
I'll hear it when I get back home,
And I will call -- you -- back!
Answering machine message 93
Cheers TV show theme song, "Where Everybody Knows your Name":
Sometimes you make a call,
Where you gotta leave your name,
'Cuz I can't come to the phone,
You gotta leave a message here,
right after the tone.
You made a call,
Where you gotta leave your name.
Answering machine message 94
U2's "With or Without You":
No one's here to answer the phone,
Leave a message at the tone,
And we'll get back to you.
We'll get back to you!
Answering machine message 95
Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit":
Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello,
No one's here, no one's home,
Leave a message, at the tone.
Don't feel stupid, it's no big fuss,
Leave a message, you can reach us.
Answering machine message 96
"The Check is in the Mail" by Weird Al Yankovich:
Well hey how you doin'? Have a seat have a drink,
Boy it's good to see you what can I say,
Oh sorry got to run we'll get together again,
Say what was your name anyway?
Well we're working on the problem --
We'll get back to you soon,
Don't try to call me I'll be in a meeting every afternoon for a year, maybe
longer, keep in touch, thanks for dropping by and have a nice day.
Answering machine message 97
"Camptown Races":
I can't come to the telephone; doo-dah, doo-dah.
Leave your message when you hear the tone; oh, de doo-dah day.
Might be gone all night... Might be gone all day...
So leave a message when you hear the tone.
I'll call you back someday...
Answering machine message 98
"Winter Wonderland":
Hear the ring, inside our home.
Once again, can't get the phone.
So please be polite,
You know that it's right,
And leave a message when you hear the tone.
Answering machine message 99
Beethoven's Fifth:
Nobody's home.
Why did you phone?
Please leave your message here when you have heard the tone,
And we will call you back as soon as we get home.
Your message here,
After the tone,
Here is the tone... tone... BEEP
Answering machine message 100
"If I Only Had A Brain":
I might be in the shower,
I might be gone for hours,
I can't come to the phone.
So, please leave your name and number,
If I miss you it'd be a bummer,
Leave your message at the tone...
Answering machine message 101
Voice 1: Gee, Dave, what do you feel like doing tonight?
Voice 2: Same thing we do every night, Rob... Try to take over
the world! (Sing:)
They're David and the Rob,
Yes, David and the Rob,
One is a drummer, the other needs a job.
They're not at home right now, so please don't have a cow,
Leave a message -- for David and the Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob.
Answering machine message 102
With apologies to Robert Burns:
O ma phone is but an ebon box,
Wha' rings when I'm awa'.
And my tape machine waits,
For your call,
This message for ta play.
So leave ye message at the beep,
Then bide ye well a while,
For I will hear your voice,
ONE DAY,
and call ye wi' a smile.
Answering machine message 103
"Under the Boardwalk":
Oh, when you call our room,
and all you get is a machine,
and then you get so upset,
you feel as if you want to scream.
Please leave a message
after the be-ep.
And John or Tom will get back you,
as soon as they can.
Answering machine message 104
"Muppet Show" theme:
It's time to leave a message
After you hear the tone,
It's time to leave a message
'Cause we're not at home tonight...
It's time to leave a message
On Kate and Shannon's phone,
It's time to leave a message
'Cause we're not at home tonight.
Just leave your name and number,
Such simple things to do,
And then when we get home we will
Get right back to you.
It's time to leave a message
After you hear the tone.
It's time to leave a message
'Cause we're not at home tonight.
Gone to get a bite,
Stayin' out all night,
Yes we have a life!
Leave a message, we're not home toniiiiight...
Answering machine message 105
"Raiders of the Lost Ark" in background: You've reached the residence
of John and Tom. We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning
the refrigerator. Please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you.
Answering machine message 106
Hitchhikers Guide theme: The Cerius Cybernetic Corporation was happy
to correct the problem of all that icky person-to-person conversation that
happens when people actually pick up the phone and talk to each other. So they
added the "answering machine," which will cleverly record your message and play
it back at the wrong speed, to make everyone who calls you sound like they have
partaken a large supply of helium. Unless your message is REALLY important, in
which case, the machine simply breaks its own tape, to insure that you never get
the message at all. It would be a shame to waste all this brilliant technology,
so please attempt to leave a message.
Answering machine message 107
I once had a little white phone,
That would ring when it was alone.
Then I got a tape,
For when I escape,
So please leave your name at the tone.
Answering machine message 108
Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland,
Oregon. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a
critique of one of our current works in progress. BEEP
Answering machine message 109
Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family
fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will
call you right back.
Answering machine message 110
Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren't here right now, but if...
Matt: Steve, what are you doing?
Steve: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.
Matt: But you left the last one -- it's my turn.
Steve: No, I'm sure it's my turn.
Matt: No, you're wrong. It's definitely my turn.
Steve: You fool, I know it's... Wait... Matt... What are you doing with that
frying pan? (BONK... THUD)
Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.
Answering machine message 111
1: Hi, you've reached Bob and Faisal's room.
2: (Background:) What are you doing?
1: I'm recording an answering machine message.
2: But we're here right now.
1: But we might not be here later.
2: Oh. (To phone:) Leave a message.
Answering machine message 112
1: Hey, would you get the phone?
2: I got the phone last time. You get the phone!
1: Well, I'm on the computer right now, so will you get it?
2: I'm in the bathroom, and besides, you're closer anyway!
1: Nicole, you always pull this garbage when it's your turn to get it!
2: Well, just let the answering machine get it then!
Answering machine message 113
Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy
pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques":
We're not here now,
We're not here now,
Don't hang up,
Don't hang up,
Leave your name and number,
Leave your name and number,
We'll call back,
We'll call back.
Answering machine message 114
Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now.
If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it,
that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party.
Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah,
a party with the president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it.
Answering machine message 115
(Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the
breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering
in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave your name, number, and a message,
any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.
Answering machine message 116
Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your
favorite color of shirts. We'll get back to you if we like the color.
Answering machine message 117
John: Brad, will you get the phone?
Brad: (Sound of frantically clattering keyboard.) I can't! I'm playing Omega!
John: Ambar, will you get the phone?
Ambar: I can't! I'm late for work! (Sound of slamming door.)
John: Aimee, will you get the phone?
Aimee: (Sound of running water.) I can't! I'm in the shower!
John: Glenn, will you get the -- (disgusted) Ah, Glenn's in Denver. Please leave
a message.
Answering machine message 118
A is for academics,
B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we're not here.
So leave a message.
Answering machine message 119
Hi, this is Johan advising you that you spend WAY too much time on
the phone. GO OUTSIDE... See the world, LIVE a little... Have fun.
Answering machine message 120
I'm pretending that I'm marooned on a desert island with Dana Delany,
Linda Carter, and Sharon Lawrence. Since I don't have a telephone there, you
could leave a message in a bottle at the sound of the beep, and maybe it'll wash
up on my beach in a few days. Then if the professor gets stranded here, we'll
create a satellite uplink from a few coconuts and a palm leaf and I'll get right
back to you.