HOME
Answering machine message 201
Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now. However, if you
leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you.
Answering machine message 202
Mom, Dad... Don't you think it would be easier to reach me if I had a
cellular phone? So how about an early birthday present?
Answering machine message 203
Despite the best efforts of the telephone company, you really DID
reach 555-1234. But that didn't help much, did it? You still have to talk to a
machine.
Answering machine message 204
Please leave your name and number -- But first, a short algebra quiz:
How much is 5Q + 5Q? (Pause while caller thinks: 10Q) You're welcome!
Answering machine message 205
Hello. If you're calling with bad news, leave your message now. If
it's good news, wait for the tone.
Answering machine message 206
Someone stole our phone. So if you leave a message we'll run over to
a neighbor's house and use their phone to call you back.
Answering machine message 207
Hello, this is your local zoo. Do you like animals? We are
experiencing severe problems with hot water. Would you be so kind as to allow us
to bring our elephants over to your bathroom for a shower? (The most common
response: "Well, sure, but my neighbor's bathroom is bigger and better equipped
to handle elephants.")
Answering machine message 208
(Gameshow-announcer voice:) Hello, and welcome to Phone Tag! (Cheers
in background.) If you'd like to join the game, please leave your name and
number at the beep, and we'll try to reach you when you're not around. And
thanks once again for playing Phone Tag!
Answering machine message 209
Congratulations! By correctly dialing 123-4567, you have become
eligible to leave a message! (Applause.) Join the lucky few that have advanced
to the next level! (Cheers.) And now, at the sound of the tone, leave your name,
number, the time you called, and a brief message.
Answering machine message 210
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very
sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist
suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave
your name, number, and a message.
Answering machine message 211
As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality.
You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an
answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering
machine... You hear a beep...
Answering machine message 212
Hello, this is Jason's voice. Jason's not here right now -- hey,
haven't you ever lost YOUR voice? Well, believe you me, when I find him again,
I'll have a few choice words for him. If you do too, leave them after the beep
Answering machine message 213
I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and
number, I'll call you back when I am...
Answering machine message 214
I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name
and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.
Answering machine message 215
I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this
is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe
YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's
reality, I will call you back.
Answering machine message 216
If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer
it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by
leaving your name and number after the tone.
Answering machine message 217
(Strong east Indian accent:) Hello, you have reached the existential
hotline of Ransheesh. I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and
which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send
good karma waves and contact you when the stars align properly.
Answering machine message 218
Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Faisal and Bob with dark
sparkling Folger's Crystals. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and
they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated. See if you can tell the
difference.
Answering machine message 219
I am gathering the world's largest collection of responses to an
answering machine. If you would like to help, please leave a notarized copy of
your name, number, and today's date at the sound of the beep. When I'm famous
I'll remember all the little people like you that helped me achieve my
greatness. I might even include you in my memoirs.
Answering machine message 220
You might be calling to give me important information. If so, leave
your information at the tone. Or perhaps you just want to have a casual
conversation. If so, leave a message and I'll get back to you so we can have the
conversation later. Or perhaps you want to know what I'm doing tonight, in which
case it's the same thing I do every night. TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
Answering machine message 221
Hello. Here are my answers to last week's messages, in order of their
arrival. Yes. Maybe. At seven. You'll get it tomorrow. For sure. Get me that
phone number. Thanks, I take my messages on Mondays.
Answering machine message 222
So! You've finally called. And I suppose you think I'll just be here.
Well you're wrong. I gave up on that yesterday. Seventeen weeks is long enough.
Waiting for you; staring at the phone; never going anywhere... Well I've had
enough! I decided to get a real life, so I'm out testing lint removers for Ralph
Nader. Now it's your turn. Leave a message at the beep and I might just get back
to you -- if I survive my new job.
Answering machine message 223
(Noble, aristocratic voice:) Yes, one million dollars could be yours,
IF you leave your name, telephone number, and the reason WHY you want to join
the ranks of The Rich and Famous! If this is Ross Perot, Bill Gates, or Michael
Jordan, just leave your VISA number and expiration date, and we will definitely
get back to you!
Answering machine message 224
(Annoying radio announcer's voice:) Congratulations! You have reached
555-1234, perhaps one of the most obnoxious answering machine messages in the
greater Seattle area! If you don't know who you are dialing, HA! If you DO know
who you are dialing, you were probably expecting something like this!
Answering machine message 225
(Oriental voice:) Hello, you have reached honorable Chan's residence.
I, Kato, will go and get honorable Chan. (Godzilla scream.) Oh no! Godzilla
coming! Please leave name and number at gong and Chan will call back if house
still here.
Answering machine message 226
I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please
leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not
take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might
have to deal with me in person.
Answering machine message 227
(Aussie accent:) Hi, how 'ya goin', listen, I'm not here, but I tell
ya what, this anserin' machine is so clever, I kid you not, if you don't leave a
message -- it'll ring 'ya back and ask for one! Bye.
Answering machine message 228
(Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to
steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh,
I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you
say you live?
Answering machine message 229
If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now Answering machine message 230
Random fact number 10: The first manned mission to Jupiter will be crewed by the
Smiths. Random fact number 64: Dairy Queen discovered cold temperature fusion
before the bums in Utah. Random fact number 36: Bren's not here and he wants you
leave a message. Random fact number 22: Bismarck is the capital of North Dakota.
and can't come to the phone.
Answering machine message 230
Random fact number 10: The first manned mission to Jupiter will be
crewed by the Smiths. Random fact number 64: Dairy Queen discovered cold
temperature fusion before the bums in Utah. Random fact number 36: Bren's not
here and he wants you leave a message. Random fact number 22: Bismarck is the
capital of North Dakota.
Answering machine message 231
In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH! Sound of
smashing box of kleenex.) But this method doesn't work with a telephone call...
(Dial tone.) Introducing the all-new Ginsu answering machine! It cuts, it chops,
it slices, it dices your incoming calls! How much would you pay? Don't answer,
because if you leave your name and number when you hear the tone, we'll throw in
a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!
Answering machine message 232
Hi, this is Jim. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A
basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets you an "I love Jim Shea"
T-shirt. Please wait for the tone, and thank you for your pledge.
Answering machine message 233
(Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to
respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and
noomber, we won't be in wonder... pa-a-a-a!
Answering machine message 234
Thank you for calling, no doubt,
As you can guess, we're out.
When we get home,
We'll call on the phone.
Until then, just hang about.
Answering machine message 235
Sorry that we're not at home.
Please leave a message after the tone.
When we get in,
We'll give you a ring.
Until then, wait by the phone.
Answering machine message 236
Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that
yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep
you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks.
Answering machine message 237
(Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey. I work
here. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got
a call about a 411. It sounded like good information to me. But I needed more. A
name and a number. So leave yours and I'll return your call. Or I can send you a
FAX. Nothing but the FAX, ma'am. (Hum the "Dragnet" theme...)
Answering machine message 238
Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, "Who's there?") Isn't that MY
question? (Pause.) Please leave a message...
Answering machine message 239
Yo. I ain't here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep
and I'll get back... (Sniff, sniff...) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells
good.
Answering machine message 240
I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey -- that's a nice phone you
have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering
machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call
sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep
for you.