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Loose Constructionists
A road consturction manager needed to hire someone to paint the yellow lines
down the middle of a newly constructed road. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead
all get hired. They are each assigned a section of the road. The first day, the
blonde paints 2 miles, the redhead 1.5, and the brunette only 1. On the second
day, the blonde paints 1 mile, the brunette 2, and the redheaed 2.5. On the
third day, the blonde only gets 1/4 of a mile done, the redheaed 3, and the
brunette 3.5. The manager decides to talk to the blonde.
"You haven't been painting as much road as you did on the first day,'' the
manager said. ''What's the problem?''
''I'd be painting more, but the bucket keeps getting farther and farther
away!'''
Blonde - Transplant
How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
Blow in her ear.
Blonde Kidnapper
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to
kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid,
took him behind a tree, and told him, ''I've kidnapped you.''
She then wrote a note saying,''I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put
$10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the
north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.'' The blonde pinned the note to
the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting
beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with
a note that said, ''How could you do this to a fellow blonde?''
Air Head on a Beer
Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
Drunken Man and Blonde
After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already
drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says,
''You wanna hear a blonde joke?'' The person replies, ''I am 240 pounds, world
kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo
champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm
wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me
that blonde joke?''
The man thinks for a while and replies, ''Not if I have to explain it three
times.''
I've Got Your Cookies Right
Here, Baby
Why did it take four hours for the blonde to make chocolate chip cookies?
Because it took her 3 hours to peel all those M&M's.
Blonde on Blonde Jokes
A man asked a blonde what she thought about blonde jokes.
She replied, ''I think they are good but they might be offensive to some
mexicans."
Snowblonde
Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowman?
Because you have to hollow out the head first.
Wavey Blonde
Why did they have to stop doing the wave at the Skydome in Toronto?
Beacause a blonde drowned in it.
Blonde Mating Call
Q: What is the mating call of a blonde?
A: "I'm soooo drunk."
All-Time Favorite Blonde Hijinx!
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)
Fair-Haired Science Fair
10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous?
9) Is lighter fluid flammable?
8) What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?
7) Are knives sharp?
6) Can sharks hurt a human?
5) What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?
4) Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?
3) Can I eat broken glass and live?
2) Can dogs talk?
1) Are blondes really dumb?
Dye, Blonde, Dye
What's it called when a blonde dyes her hair?
Artificial intelligence!
Blonde Pregnancy
What does a blonde say when she finds out she's pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?
FLAT BLONDE
Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants?
So they don't have to pay the flat tax.
Blonde Laugh
How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday!
Blonde Radio
A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could
listen to it at night.
Blonde Radio
A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could
listen to it at night.
Three Blondes
There were three blondes living together. Blonde #1 was coming back from grocery
shopping, and she dropped her keys. She walked down the stairs to get them, and
she said to herself, ''Am I going up the stairs or down the stairs?'' So, she
stood there puzzled, the bags of groceries still in her hands.
Blonde #2 was taking a bath, and was draining the tub because it was too cold.
With her hair still dry, she said to herself, ''Was I getting in the tub or out
of the tub?'' She stood there, just thinking about it.
Blonde #3 was sitting in the living room in front of the coffee table, and she
said to herself, ''Knock on wood I'm not as stupid as the other two!'' She
knocked the table. ''Was that the front door or the back door?''
Blonde Snowman
Q: Which is harder to make? A blonde, brunette or a red-headed snowman?
A: A blonde, because you have to hollow out its head,
Little Voice
A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a
blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed
it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought ''how
weird.''
A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again,
checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped
mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing
nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders.
As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and
went up to her. ''What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five
minutes?''
The blonde looked up at the man and said, ''Well, you see, there's this little
voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out
here to check, I don't have any.''
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