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Blonde and Lightbulb
How many minutes does it take a blonde to screw in a lightbulb?
She doesn't know — she's used to screwing other things.
Blonde Rows of Corn
A blonde is driving along a deserted country road with fields on either side.
She looks out the window and sees another blonde in the middle of a field, in a
rowboat, rowing and rowing.
She stops the car, rolls down the window and yells, "You know it's blondes like
you who give the rest of us blondes a bad name!"
Getting no reaction from the blonde in the rowboat, she screams, "If I could
swim I'd come out there and punch you out!"
Blonde vs. Crime Rate
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the
home?
A: She moved.
Blonde Alumna
What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
"Would you like fries with that?"
Bow-Legged Cowgirls
Why do blonde cowgirls walk bow-legged?
Because their boyfriends eat with their hats on.
Homeward Blonde
How do you keep a blonde at home?
Build a circular driveway.
Blonde Destroyer
What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer.
A hula hoop with a nail in it.
Watch the Birdie
A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street when the brunette says,
"Look, a dead bird!"
So the blonde looks up!
Blonde's Air Conditioner
Q: How does a blonde turn on the air conditioner after sex?
A: She turns the ignition key.
The Top 6 Ways a Football is
Like a Blonde
6. Both are made out of plastic.
5. Both are full of hot air.
4. Both are frequently passed from man to man.
3. Both have been known to score.
2. Both are often handled by hot, sweaty guys on television.
1. Women aren't especially fond of them.
Blonde in Pain
A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her
body hurt.
The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where."
The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!"
Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!"
She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!"
She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!"
The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You''ve just got a
broken index finger."
Blonde in a Library
A blonde walks into the library and says to the librarian, ''Can I have a burger
and fries?''
''Sorry, this is a library.''
So the blonde whispers, ''Oh, may I have a burger and fries?''
Legs Open
Q: What did the blonde's left leg say to the right leg?
A: Nothing -- they've never met.
Blonde E-Mail
How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?
Envelopes in the disk drive.
The Burning Building
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were on top of a burning building. When
the firemen got there they stretched the trampoline out and told the brunette to
jump. She jumped, then the firemen moved back and she died.
Then they moved back and told the redhead to jump. She said ''No! I saw what you
just did!'' The firemen replied, ''we don't like brunettes, we won't move this
time!'' So she believed them and jumped. They moved again, then returned to
where they were.
Then they told the blonde to jump. She replied ''No I saw what you did to
them!'' The firemen said, ''we don't like brunettes or redheads, we like
blondes!'' She then said ''OK! I'll tell you what to do! All of you put the net
on the ground and BACK UP!''
Blonde's Shoes
Q: Why do blondes have “TGIF” on their shoes?
A: “Toes go in first.”
Blonde's Twinkle
How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
She Gives Great Headphone
A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair of headphones. The hairdresser
tried to get her to take them off, but the blonde protested.
"You can't take those away from me -- I'll die without them!"
The hairdresser sighed, and tried to explain how difficult it would be to cut
her hair with them on, but the blonde wouldn't budge. So she began cutting the
hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde feel asleep, and the hairdresser
figured she could remove the headphones for a few minutes. But shortly
thereafter, the blonde collapsed, dead on the floor. The hairdresser, confused,
picked up the headphones, which were repeating "Breathe In, Breathe Out."
Blonde, Santa, Pregnant Woman
Q: A smart blond, Santa and a pregnant woman are on an elevator. A twenty-dollar
bill lies on the ground. Who picks it up?
A: The pregnant woman... the other two aren't real !'
Air Mattress
Q: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other?
A: An air mattress.
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