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Blonde - Drowning
A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette
was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving
across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the
bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of
the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the
water, panting and breathless.
''Where have you been?'' asked the man.
''I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!''
XXX Blondes
What does XXX stand for in a porno film?
It's the signature of the three blondes who act in it.
Adjustable Steering Wheels Are
Funny
Why do blondes like cars with adjustable steering wheels?
Because they like more head room.
The Wet and the Blonde
Why did the Blonde pee in the Grocery Store?
The sign said ''Wet Floor.''
Brainy Blonde
What do you call a blond with two brain cells? ''PREGNANT''
Nouveau Riche Blonde
There was this nouveau riche blond girl, who went to the nearest Mercedes
showroom with a pocketful of dollars, and came out with the latest model.
Half an hour later she was back at the showroom, claiming a that the car they
sold her was terrible, that she was disappointed a brand-new Mercedes would get
a fault in the gearbox after 15 minutes. The management apologized and gave her
a new car.
Again, after half an hour she came back. The management offered her a new car,
but sent along one of their engineers to see if they could figure out what the
problem was. She put in the first gear... sped up... put in second... third...
fourth... fifth.... “And now,” she said, “for the rocket,” and threw it in
reverse.
Blonde Looking for a Job
A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the
columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY
EXPECTED.
''Yes.''
Dim Bulb
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1, to yell for Daddy!
Blonde Panties
Why do blondes wear woolen panties?
To keep their ankles warm.
Blonde Fish Killer
How does a blonde kill a fish?
She tries to drown it!
The Blonde and the Deodorant
The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom
deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they
don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde
assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular
basis, and would like some more. ''I'm sorry,'' says the pharmacist, ''we don't
have any.''
''But I always get it here,'' says the blonde.
''Do you have the container it comes in?''
''Yes!'' says the blonde, ''I will go and get it.''
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it
and says to her, ''This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.''
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the
container: ''To apply, push up bottom.''
Burnt Blonde Ears
A blonde goes to a doctor because both of her ears are burnt. “'Sit down and
tell me how it happened,” says the doctor.
“Well,I was ironing my clothes when I received a call and instead of picking the
phone I picked up the iron and burnt my ear.”
“'But that's one ear - what about the other?”
“The guy called again!”
Bigfoot and Blonde
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Maybe someday we'll find Bigfoot.
Blonde's Vocabulary
What's the one word a blonde absolutely, positively cannot say?
No.
Blonde Secretary's Memo to her
Boss
TO: Boss
FROM: Blondie
RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K
I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest,
none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished
the conversion of all of the months on all of the company calendars for next
year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be
distributed with the following new months:
Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk
I also changed all the days of each week to:
Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak
We are now Y to K compliant. Have a nice dak!!!
Blondes On Blonde Jokes
Why do blondes like blonde jokes?
It makes them feel popular.
Vending Machine and Blonde
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a vending machine?
A: Nothing.....you get what you paid for.
The Blond Date
A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner and a movie, they head on up
to Makeout Mountain, where things get a little hot 'n' heavy. Then the guy leans
over.
"Do you want to go in the backseat?"
"No." Unfazed, they continue making out. The guy trys again.
"Do you want to go in the backseat?"
"No." A little frustrated, the man decides to ignore it. They continue to get
pretty into it. Soon, the man figures he can ask agin.
"Do you want to go in the backseat?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to stay up here with you."
Paper Street
One day in class, the teacher told everyone to turn to a blank sheet of paper in
their notebooks. She noticed that Chip, the dumb jock, was having trouble with
her directions.
"Have you found a blank piece yet, Chip?" said the teacher.
"Nope. I haven't," said the dumb jock. "Somebody went through and drew lines
across all of the pages."
Blonde in the Third Grade
Three third graders were walking down the street: a redhead, brunnette, and a
blonde.
Which one had the best figure?
The blonde - she was 18.
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