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Blonde lumberjack
This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She met a
foreman of a logging organization who offered to give her a job.
"Now I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day," the
foreman told her. The blonde woman didn't see this as a problem, so she went out
with the Chainsaw and did her best.
She came back sweating like a pig. ''Christ, how many trees did you cut down?''
asked the foreman.
''6'' she replied.
''What!? You have to do beter than that. Get up earlier tommorow.'' The foreman
said. So she did. Out she went with the chainsaw, she came back that night
exhausted.
'How many this time?'' asked the foreman.
''12'' she said.
The foreman says, ''That does it. I'm coming out there with you tommorow
morning.''
The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says, ''This is how to
cut down trees really quickly.'' He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives
off a loud BRRRRRRUM. He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically. So he
asks her what's wrong. She replies, ''What the hell is that?'''
Blonde at Starbucks
A blonde is working at the local Starbucks. A lady walks in and orders an Iced
Cappuccino.
''Do you want it hot or cold?''
Blonde Rolls Back The Odometer
A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her
friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.
"235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's
friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to
whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the
miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car
since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the
car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"
Our Stupid Apartment's On Fire!
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.
"Help us, help us!" yells the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.
"Good idea," said the other.
"Together, together!"
Blonde - Contractor
There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor
and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor came to her house
they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors she would like. They came
to the living room and she told him that she would like a nice, warm cream
color. The contractor wrote something down on his pad, then walked to the window
and yelled, ''Greenside up.'' The lady is a little confused, but doesn't say
anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, ''I would
like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark.'' The contractor writes something
down on his pad, then walks to the window and again yells, ''Greenside up!'' The
lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to
her bedroom and she says, ''I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here.''
The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and
yells, ''Greenside up.'' The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the
contractor, ''Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write
something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What
is going on?'' The contractor replies, ''You see, I have four blondes laying sod
across the street.''
Swim Meet
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a swim meet. The gun goes off, and
the brunette quickly captures first, with the redhead coming in second. An hour
later, the blonde emerges from the pool and complains to the judges that while
she was doing the breast stroke, the others were using their arms.
What A Wheat-y Blond Joke
Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle of Kansas where there was
nothing around for miles but wheatfields. One blonde says, “Look over there!”
There was another blonde wearing scuba gear and acting like she was swimming
through the wheat.
The other blonde says, “Look over there!” where there was still another blonde
in a boat. The blonde driving said, “It's people like that that give us blondes
a bad name.” The other blonde said, “Yeah! And if I knew how to swim I'd go out
there and beat the crap out of them!”
Blonde and License Plates
A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them.
So she changed her name to JKM345.
Blonde State of Mind
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals.
She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"
Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."
Waitron Blonde
A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on
what she wants, a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the
waitress's name tag on her shirt.
''Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?''
Blonde Brought Gun to Wedding
Q: Why did the blonde bring a gun to the wedding?
A: She was told she was supposed to hold up the bride's train.
Blonde's Favorite Ten Years
What are the best 10 years of a blonde's life?
Third grade.
Blonde and Goldfish
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called
her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them,
the blonde said, ''Now, what do I give them to drink?''
What Are Ya, Chicken?
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
To show the blonde how!
Britney & Christina Get Locked
Out
Britney Spears had just bought her new car and decided to go shopping with her
friend and rival, Christina Aguilera. A few hours later she came out and
realizes she had locked her keys in the car, so they spent a few hours pacing
around the car trying to figure out what to do.
Finally, Britney looked off into the distance and saw storm cloud. She turned to
her friend and said," Quick, think of something because a storm is coming and I
left the top open!"
Blonde and a Brunette on a Cliff
Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first?
A: The brunette -- the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
Blonde Horse Sense
A blonde buys two horses and she can't tell them apart. So she asks the farmer
next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But
then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she can't
tell them apart again.
She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the
horses ears. So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a
barbed wire fence.
She is still confused. She asks the farmer what to do. He tells her to measure
them.
She comes back and says, "The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black
horse!"
Two blondes are shopping at the
mall...
Two blondes are shopping at the mall. When they are done they go out to their
car, which happens to be an awesome leather interior convertible. When they get
to the car, they realize they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind
of stand there and think for a while.
Finally one gets am idea to try to open the car with a hanger. So the first
blonde starts fiddling with the lock with the hanger. The other blonde looks up
at the sky and suddenly becomes very worried.
"HURRY, HURRY," she urges. "IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"
The Blonde's Pregnancy Scare
A blonde lady nervously took her typewriter to the doctor and said she thought
it was pregnant. The doctor said why do you think that? She said, ''Because it
missed a period.''
F-A-R-M
How does a blonde spell "farm?"
E-I-E-I-O!!
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