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You Big Tomato
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you wash all your vegetables!
Revenge of the Blondes
Q: Why are there so many blonde jokes one-liners?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A: the invitation.
Q: What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
A: A hostage.
Q: What is black and blue and brown, and lying in a ditch?
A: A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.
Laptop
What's the difference between a blonde and Windows 95?
The blonde operates on more laptops!
Blonde and a Pig
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a
person who asks, ''Where did you get that?''
The pig says, ''I won her in a raffle!''
Icy Blonde
How did the blonde die icefishing?
She got run over by the zamboni!
Castaway Gals
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. The redhead looks
to the east and says that the shore is about 20 miles away. She swims out 10
miles, but gets tired and drowns.
The brunette also looks to the east, figures the distance to shore is about 20
miles, and starts swimming. She gets 15 miles, but gets tired and drowns.
The blonde figures about 20 miles to the shore also. She swims 19 miles, to the
point where she can barely see the shore, and gets tired. So she swims back.
Dubya 'Do.
President Bush is so stupid, he dyed his hair blonde to become smarter.
Blonde Carpenter
A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window frames on a 50-story
building. He was using an electric saw and accidentally cut one of his ears off.
A guy was walking along the street below him so he called out, ''Hey, you on the
street, can you see my ear down there?'' The guy on the street picks up an ear
saying, ''Is this it?'' ''No,'' was the reply from the blonde carpenter, ''mine
had a pencil behind it.''
Blonde Carpenter
A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window frames on a 50-story
building. He was using an electric saw and accidentally cut one of his ears off.
A guy was walking along the street below him so he called out, ''Hey, you on the
street, can you see my ear down there?'' The guy on the street picks up an ear
saying, ''Is this it?'' ''No,'' was the reply from the blonde carpenter, ''mine
had a pencil behind it.''
Lightning Blonde
Why does a blonde smile at lightning?
She thinks she's getting her picture taken.
She Is So Blonde... "Soul Train"
She is so blonde that she thought she needed a token to get on “Soul Train.”
Blondes in a Frying Pan
Q.What do you call 3 blondes in a frying pan?
A. Over easy.
Blonde's Appendicitis
A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said,
''You have acute appendicitis.''
The blond yelled at the doctor, ''I came here to get medical help, not get a
stupid compliment!!''
Blonde Passenger
A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden
there's a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom “I'm sorry, one of
our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes.”
Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot
expresses his regret that they'll be delayed two hours.
Shortly thereafter, there is another bang and the pilot announces that they'll
be delayed 3 hours. The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says,
“Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we'll be up here all day.”
Pay-Per-Blonde
What's the difference between a blonde and a payphone?
It costs twenty-five cents to use a payphone!
Blonde On Blonde
What do you call a buncha blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel!
Blonde On a Ledge
A blonde was about to commit suicide by jumping off a 31 story building. There
were tons of fire trucks on the ground and policemen on the ledge beside her.
The policemen tried to coax her down for 3 hours. A few minutes later the blonde
looked over the edge, then looked over at the closest policemen and asked, ''How
do you commit suicide again?''
Knock knock... Britney Spears
Knock knock
Who's there?
Britney Spears
Britney Spears who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Oops I did it again!
Blonde Jokes
Why are Blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can understand them.
Red Ball Express
All drivers for Red Ball Express had orders to never ever pick up hitchhikers.
Ol' Freddy was high-ballin' down the highway and saw an unbelievably stunning
blonde hitch-hiking. Thinking with the wrong head, he pulled over and picked her
up. Travelling down the highway, she leaned forward and looked in the rearview
mirror.
"You have a flat back there on the trailer," she said. Freddy pulled over, went
back to have a look. While he was back there, the blonde slid over and drove
off. Freddy was now pissed off. Soon, a motorcycle gang pulled up, beat the crap
out of him and left Freddy naked and broke. Another Red Ball Express driver saw
Fred and recognized him.
"Fred, you okay?" he asked. Fred told him the entire story.
"Oh, Fred," said the driver, unzipping his pants. "This just isn't your day."
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