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Blonde Safe Sex
What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.
Bad Day
Blondie
How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Interblonde
What's the difference between a blonde and the internet?
Not everyone's been on the internet!
Blonde in Natchitoches
Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches,
they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued
back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one
tourist asked the blonde employee, ''Before we order could you settle an
argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly.'' The
blonde leaned over and said ''Burrrrrrr Gurrrrrr Kingggg.''
Blonde Multiple Orgasms
What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?
Great work, team!
We
Don't Swerve Blondes Here
A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the road. The blonde at the wheel
looked very confused and scared.
"What's going on here, ma'am?"
"Well, I was driving along when all of a sudden there was a tree right in my
path. I swerved to miss it, but there was another tree. And after that, another,
and another." The cop looked inside her car and sighed.
"Ma'am. That's your air freshener."
Blonde and House
Q: What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house
underwater?
A: A blonde trying to set fire to it.
Talking
Blondes
Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex?
Because her mother told her never to talk to strangers.
Blonde Battallion
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, 'cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!
Blondevision
A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to
buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman,
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy
clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached
the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
Three Girls Meet the Fairy
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical
Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a
transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette
immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful
bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out
"Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to
spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge
without thinking of her wish. She panics.
"Crap!"
Natural Blonde
What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair?
Artifical intelligence.
Blonde
Meets Cheerios
What did the blonde say when she saw a box Cheerios?
"Neato...Doughnut seeds!"
Jingle
Blondes
What did Santa say to the three blondes on the corner?
"Ho. Ho. Ho."
The Blonde's Special Order
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to an ice cream parlor together. The
brunette went up and asked for a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The counter
man was confused, but gave her a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream.
The redhead went up and asked for a single dip of vanilla ice cream with Pepsi
poured over it. The man was really confused now. But he gave the redhead her
order.
The blonde was listening to the other two women and thought that she should have
a ''special order'' too. So she went up and asked for an extra-large root beer,
but hold the roots.
The Blonde's Special Order
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to an ice cream parlor together. The
brunette went up and asked for a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The counter
man was confused, but gave her a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream.
The redhead went up and asked for a single dip of vanilla ice cream with Pepsi
poured over it. The man was really confused now. But he gave the redhead her
order.
The blonde was listening to the other two women and thought that she should have
a ''special order'' too. So she went up and asked for an extra-large root beer,
but hold the roots.
One-Eyed Blonde
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says ''Look at that dog with one
eye!''
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says ''Where?''
Blonde's Legs
What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one?
Between you and me we could make a lot of money!
Father
to Blonde Daughter
What did the father say to his blonde daughter?
''If you're not in bed by 11, come home.''
Replacing
Vanna
Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White?
A: They can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet.
Two Blondes and a Camel
Every day two blonde women would come out of work together and look for their
car. But all the cars in the lot looked the same, so they sat around until all
the cars were gone and then they would get in the last car and go home. One
blonde said to the other, ''We need to find a faster way to get home.'' So the
next day they went to work on a camel. After work they came out and the parking
lot was full of camels. So the first blonde went around lifting up the tails of
all the camels. The second blonde said, ''What are you doing?'' The first blonde
said, ''When we came in today I heard someone yell "'Look at those two assholes
on that camel!!'"
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