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You Silly Blonde. Don't You Get
It?
A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She
ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.
"Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.
"No, but it's okay -- I got the license plate number!"
Dead Blonde in Closet
Q: What do you get when you find a dead blonde in a closet?
A: The hide and seek champion of 1996.
Don't Step Out of the Car
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and
almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to
pull over, and she does.
The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he
gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's
smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting
her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing.
He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around
and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so
funny?"
She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"
Blonde with Money
A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blonde asked the
brunette what she was going to buy.
The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are
chipped. What are you going to buy?"
The blonde said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an
enormous crack in it."
Who Killed Abraham Lincoln?
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants
to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got
the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already
working on a murder case!"
Blonde Car Hijinx!
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Turning off the car!
Blonde in the Mirror
Two blondes are walking down the street when one of them looks down and finds a
mirror.
She picks it up, looks into it, and says, "WOW! I know this person. I've seen
this person somewhere before..."
The other blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, "Duh, of course you
have. That's me!"
Blonde Coffee Drinker
A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye
seems to hurt.''
The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''
Blonde Joke
Want to hear three blonde jokes?
Listen to Hanson!
Blonde in a Swimming Race
A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the
English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the
blonde never finished.
When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ''I don't want to be a tattletale
or anything, but the other two used their arms.''
Blondes and Cops
One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car
and asks the blonde for her license.
''You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next
day you ask me to show it.''
Blonde's Coffin
Why's the blonde's coffin shaped like a Y?
Cuz every time she hits her back, her legs spread!
Blonde Valedictorian
A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, ''I can count higher
then all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a
blonde?''
Her mother replied, ''Of couse it is, dear.''
The next day, the blonde said, ''I can say the alphabet higher then anyone in my
class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?''
Her mother replied, ''Of course it is dear!''
The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, ''I
have a larger chest then all the kids in my class, do you think its because I am
a blonde?''
Her mother replied, ''No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years
old."
Blonde - Death in the Family
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and
asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The
neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The
next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying
again. She asked her why she was crying this time.
''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''
Which Hole?
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a
challenge from the Devil -- if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven
instead. The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy
question -- to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the
answer. The mathematician tries as well -- but the Devil instantly gets the
answer. When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes
in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts.
"Now," she says, "which hole did the fart come out of?"
"That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them."
"No, stupid! It came out of my butthole!"
Blonde with Chickens
A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her.
The man in the car says to her, ''What do you have in the bag?''
The blonde replies: ''I have chickens!''
The man thinks for a moment and says, ''If I can guess how many chickens you
have in the bag, can I have one?''
The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, ''Okay, but I'll make the bet
even better! If you can guess how many chickens I have in the bag I will give
you BOTH of them!"
Three Girls in the Desert
A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert. The brunette says, "I brought
some water so we don't get dehydrated." The redhead says, "I brought some suntan
lotion so we don't get sunburned." Then the blonde says I brought a car door."
The other girls said, "Why did you bring that?" Then the blonde says, "So I can
roll down the window if it gets hot."
The Midget Scopes the Blonde
A midget is riding a bus when a blonde steps on him.
“Hey you, brunette, watch where you're going,” yells the midget.
The blonde looks down and says, “I am not a brunette, I am a blonde.”
The midget replies, “Not from where I'm standing.”
Those Intellectually Deficient
Blondes
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100. One to make the batter and 99 to crack the shells on the M&Ms.
Blonde Painting A Porch
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a
handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the
front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to
do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the
paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. A short time later,
the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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