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Blonde in an Elevator
A tall blonde and a tall brunette are stading in an elevator. A short bald man
with lots of dandruff walks in, then gets off at the next floor. The brunette
says, “Boy he could use some head and shoulders.”
The blonde says, “Hm. How do you give shoulders?”
First Class Blondie
A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach
section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class
seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more
comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant
checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here
all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of
the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned
seat is in coach.
Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to
sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to
discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde
girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and
briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and
rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant,
who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had
said to the woman.
He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
Blonde in a Round Room
How do you keep a blonde busy?
Put her in a round room and tell her there is a vibrator in the corner!
Beware the Blonde Terrorist
Did you hear about the blonde that tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe!
Confusing Blonde
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.
Q: How does a blonde confuse you?
A: She comes out and says she did.
Adventures in Disneyland
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The
sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
Blonde's Tricycle
Q: What kind of tricycle does a blonde have?
A: The one with the kick stand.
Blonde and Waitress
Q: What did the blonde customer say after reading the buxom waitress' nametag?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?''
Blonde and shower caps
A blonde was walking down the street with shower caps on her breasts.
A guy asked her, "Hey, what's with the shower caps?"
"Shower caps?" she responded, "These are booby condoms!"
Blonde Riding Shotgun
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, " do ya see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Damn!" cursed the brunette. "Are his flashers on?
The blonde turned around again. "Yup... nope... yup... nope... yup...."
Iron Phone
A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.
"The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron."
"What about the other one?"
"They called back."
How Many Blonde Jokes...
Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: One. The rest are all true stories.
Land Of Milk And Honey
A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her
milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. The milkman thought she probably meant 1.5
gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
''I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5
gallons?''
''I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk
bath.''
''Pasteurized?''
''No, just up to my tits.''
Blonde's Don't Drink and Think
Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging a few beers when they see a
road block ahead with police checking for drunk drivers. The blonde in the
passenger seat starts to panic and the driver tells her to calm down and do what
she does. She then proceeds to quickly chug the last of the beer in her hand,
peel the label off, stick the bottle under the seat and stick the label to her
forehead. The second blonde follows along. When they arrive at the road block,
the officer looks in and is quite surprised by this spectacle and says, '' Hello
ladies. By any chance have you two been drinking tonight?'' ''Why no officer,
you see, we are on the patch!'''
Blondes and Pianos
Why are Blondes like pianos?
Because when they're not upright they are grand!
It's Like Voltron
What's blonde and has an IQ of 160?
A foursome!
Blonde Brushing Hair
Q: What did the blonde do after she brushed her hair?
A: Pulled up her pants.
Forest Gump
A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St.
Peter.
"Welcome!" he says. "Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can
only let a limited number of souls into heaven. Therefore, you must answer my
questions correctly to gain entrance."
"Okay," says the blonde.
"Here's your question: name two days of the week that begin with the letter T."
"That's easy. Today and tomorrow!"
"Well, that's not the answer I was thinking of, but I'll give you another
question. How many seconds are there in a year?"
"That's easy. Twelve!"
"Twelve?"
"January second, February second, March second--"
"Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well. Okay, one more
chance. What's God's name?"
"That's easy. Howard!"
"Howard?"
"You know -- 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name..."
Blonde Counting Sheep
Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She
stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can
count all my sheep I'll let you have any one you want." The blonde looks around
her for a moment and says, "You have 356 sheep." The farmer exclaims, "Wow --
you're exactly right. I guess blondes really aren't dumb. Now go pick yourself
out a sheep."
The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him.
"Oh no," he says, "you can't have that one." "Why not?" asks the blonde, "you
said I could have any sheep I wanted." And the farmer says, "Ma'am, that's my
dog."
Handy Blondy
Two blondes are nailing in roof tiles. One of them is pulling nails from his jar
and if they face him, he throws them away. The other blonde asks what he's
doing.
"Duh. I'm throwing away the defective ones."
"No, stupid! Those are for the other side of the roof."
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