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Blonde and Pizza
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or
twelve pieces. She responded, ''Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.''
Blondes in Sears
Why do blondes go to Sears?
Because the boys pants were half off!
Blonde and Halogen
What's the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort!
Tag Team
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone
poles for the Telephone Company. After the first day, the brunette team had
installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team
had installed 7. The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded
to know why they had done so few.
"Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Their's were still sticking out of
the ground."
Blonde Throwing Grenade
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Blonde Diet
There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked
for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days
"Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then
skip the third day."
So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first
two days, then she skipped the third day.
The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is your diet?"
She said, "Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing
all that skipping made me really tired."
Blonde in Disguise
There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and
decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came
upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The
shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is
stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the
cutest one.
He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have
my dog back?"
Blonde...Bananas
Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
Smart Blonde
What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
Ouch!
A blonde's redhead decides to show her a neat way to trick people -- you put
your hand on a wall and ask someone to punch it. But before they do, you pull
your hand away!
"That is a neat trick," thinks the blonde, and tries desperately to remember it,
but isn't all too successful. Despite this, she decides to try it out on her
blonde friend.
"Okay," she says, "I'm going to put my hand in front of my face..."
Blonde & Turtle
Q: What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A: They're both screwed on their back.
The Muffler
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman,
noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he
told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the
dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend
came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"
Blonde Lightbulb
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One hundred: one to hold the lightbulb, the other 99 to rotate the house.
Blonde in the Morning
Q: What does a blonde do when she wakes up?
A: Go home!
Blonde With License
Q: Why does a blonde always fail her road test?
A: Because every time the car stops, she jumps in the backseat!
Bang! I'm Blonde!
Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?
A blonde tried to shoot herself!
Blonde Jokes...Or Are They?
How many blonde jokes are there?
None, they're all true!
911
Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.
Blondes and Buses
Q: What happened when a blonde missed the Q44 bus?
A: She took the Q22 twice.
The Blonde and the Jumper
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching
the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn
Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied,
“I'll take that bet!”
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.
The redhead said, “I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw
this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.”
The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!”
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