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Business one-liners 41
The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less
time you have to do it in. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time
doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.
The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.
The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.
The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.
The most important item in an order will no longer be available.
The most interesting results happen only once.
The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no
good evidence either way.
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your
action.
The obscure a bureaucrat may see eventually; the completely apparent takes
forever.
Business one-liners 42
The obscure we see eventually; the completely apparent takes a little
longer.
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
The one thing that money can not buy is poverty.
The one who does the least work will get the most credit.
The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
The one you want is never the one on sale.
The only important information in a hierarchy is who knows what.
The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
The only real errors are human errors.
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar
territory.
Business one-liners 43
The only sense that is common in the long run is the sense of change.
We instinctively avoid it.
The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong.
The organization of any program reflects the organization of the people who
developed it.
The other line always moves faster.
The paperless office will become a reality about the same time as the paperless
toilet.
The person not here is the one working on the problem.
The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk to the other end of
the building.
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your
action.
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the
way to bet.
Business one-liners 44
The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is
usually about 0.6.
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions and littered with sloppy
analysis.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
The simplest subjects are the ones you don't know anything about.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
The solving of a problem lies in finding the solvers.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up!
The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease; sometimes it gets replaced.
The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available.
Business one-liners 45
The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the
wrong denomination.
The sun goes down just when you need it the most.
The tasks and chores that get rewarded, get done first.
The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't really
know what they want, but they know for what they don't want.
The trouble with doing right the first time is that nobody appreciates how
difficult it was!
The two greatest causes of system failures are sysadmins and users. If you can
keep both of these groups away from your machines, the reliability increases
dramatically.
The usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance.
The trick is to stop thinking it is 'your' money. - IRS auditor
The trouble with life is that it's a do-it-yourself kit without instructions.
There is never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
Business one-liners 46
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
The workbench is always untidier than last time.
The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.
The yoo-hoo you you-hew into the forest is the yoo-hoo you get back.
There are no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something. - Thomas
Edison, remarking about his laboratory
There are no winners in life...only survivors.
There are only two forces that unite men, fear and self-interest...Napoleon
There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it,
or forbid your kids to do it.
There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those
who talk a lot.
There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1 - Don't tell people everything
you know.
There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of proportion.
Business one-liners 47
There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and
stupidity.
There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to
doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing
about.
There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the
possible exception of the sword.
There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan
for.
There is a right way, a wrong way, and my way to do everything.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
There is always one more bug.
There is always one more idiot than you counted on.
There is no evidence to support the notion that life is serious.
There is nothing so habit-forming as money.
Business one-liners 48
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrnog.
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrrong.
There is no limit to how bad things can get.
There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they
don't care who gets the credit.
There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.
There is no problem so large that it cannot be solved by the application of a
correctly chosen thermonuclear device.
There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
There is no such thing as a "dirty capitalist", only a capitalist.
There is no such thing as instant experience.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
Business one-liners 49
Acheson's Rule Of The Bureaucracy: A memorandum is written not to
inform the reader, but to protect the writer. - Dean Acheson
Action's Law: Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Adler's Distinction: Language is all that separates us from the lower animals,
and from the bureaucrats.
Advertising Rule: In writing a patent-medicine advertisement, first convince the
reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly, that it is
curable.
Air Force Inertia Axiom: Consistency is always easier to defend than
correctness.
Allen's Distinction: The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf
won't get much sleep. - Woody Allen
Albrecht's Law: Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable
well-being.
Alden's Laws: (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of
pregnancy. (2) Always be backlit. (3) Sit down whenever possible.
Andrea's Admonition: Never bestow profanity upon a driver who has wronged you.
If you think his window is closed and he can't hear you, it isn't and he can.
Churchill's Commentary on Man: Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but
most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
Business one-liners 50
Approval Seeker's Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give
you the least. - Washington writer Rozanne Weissman
The Aquinas Axiom: What the gods get away with, the cows don't.
Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Arnold's Laws of Documentation: (1) If it should exist, it doesn't. (2) If it
does exist, it's out of date. (3) Only documentation for useless programs
transcends the first two laws.
Astrology Laws: It's always the wrong time of the month. - Rozanne Weissman
Avery's Rule of Three: Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working
around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -
it's the start of a brand new series of three.
Baer's Quartet: What's good politics is bad economics; what's bad politics is
good economics; what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad economics is
good politics. - Eugene Baer (Baer also allows that it can be restated somewhat
more compactly as "What's good politics is bad economics and vice versa, vice
versa.")
Bagdikian's Observation: Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average
American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a
ukelele.
Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money
surrounded on all sides by governors.
Business one-liners 51
Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least
accessible corner or the workshop. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any
dropped tool will first always strike your toes.
Baker's Law: Misery no longer loves company, Nowadays it insists on it. -
Columnist Russell Baker
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb: The hippo has no sting, but the wise man
would rather be sat upon by the bee.
Barker's Proof: Proofreading is more effective after publication.
Becker's Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one. - Jules Becker &
Co. (Becker goes on to claim that his law permeates industry as well as
government, "...once a person has been hired inertia sets in, and the employer
would rather settle for the current employee's incompetence and idiosyncrasies
than look for a new employee.")
Belle's Constant: The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work
is about 0.6. - from a 1977 JIR article of the same title by Daniel McIvor and
Olsen Belle, in which it is observed that knowledge of this constant is most
useful in planning long-range projects. It is based on such things as an
analysis of an eight hour workday in which only 4.8 hours are actually spent
working (or 0.6 of the time available), with the rest being spent on coffee
breaks, bathroom visits, resting, walking, fiddling around, and trying to
determine what to do next.
Bennett's Laws of Horticulture: (1) Houses are for people to live in. (2)
Gardens are for plants to live in. (3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
Berkeley's Laws: (1) The world is more complicated than most of our theories
make it out to be. (2) Ignorance is no excuse. (3) Never decide to buy something
while listening to the salesman. (4) Most problems have either many answers or
no answer. Only a few problems have a single answer. (5) Most general statements
are false, including this one. (6) An exception - test a rule; it never proves
it. (7) The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it; it probably
isn't right. (8) If there is an opportunity to make a mistake, sooner or later
the mistake will be made. (9) Check the answer you have worked out once more -
before you tell anybody. - Edmund C. Berkeley
Business one-liners 52
Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching. - Yogi Berra
Bierman's Laws of Contracts: (1) In any given document, you can't cover all the
"what if's". (2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what
if's". (3) Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if's".
Billing's Law: Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. -
Josh Billings
Billings Phenomenon: The conclusions of most good operations research studies
are obvious. - Robert E. Machol (The name refers to a well-known Billings story
in which a farmer becomes concerned that his black horses are eating more than
his white horses. He does a detailed study of the situation and finds that he
has more black horses than white horses, Machol points out.)
Bloom's Seventh Law of Litigation: The judge's jokes are always funny.
Blutarsky's Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to
reason.
Bolton's Law Of Ascending Budgets: Under current practices, both expenditures
and revenues rise to meet each other, no matter which one may be in excess. -
Joe Bolton, Fellow of the RAND Graduate Institute
Bonafede's Revelation: The conventional wisdom is that power is an aphrodisiac.
In truth, it's exhausting. - Dom Bonafede in a February, 1977 article in the
Washington Post entitled "Surviving in Washington"
Boren's Laws Of The Bureaucracy: (1) When in doubt, mumble. (2) When in trouble,
delegate. (3) When in charge, ponder. - James H. Boren, Founder, President and
Chairperson of the Board of the International Association of Professional
Bureaucrats [INATAPROBU]
Business one-liners 53
Boucher's Observation: He who blows his own horn always plays the
music several octaves higher than originally written.
Bove's Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal
increases as the deadline approaches.
Boyle's Laws: (1) The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in
the wrong denomination. (2) When things are going well, someone will inevitably
experiment detrimentally. (3) The deficiency will never show itself during the
dry runs. (4) Information travels more surely to those with a lessor need to
know. (5) An original idea can never emerge from committee in the original. (6)
When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform
perfectly. (7) The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the
paper clip of the overlying correspondence and go to file. (8) Success can be
insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan. (9)
Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects. (10) If
not controlled, work will to the competent man until he submerges. (11) The
lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the
highest overtime rates lie waiting. (12) Talent in staff work or sales will
recurringly be interrupted as managerial ability. (13) The "think positive"
leader tends to listen to his subordinates' premonitions only during the
postmortems. (14) Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple
interpretations. (15) On successive charts of the same organization the number
of boxes will never decrease. - Charles P. Boyle, Goddard Space Flight Center,
NASA
Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
committee; that will do them in.
Brady's First Law of Problem Solving: When confronted by a difficult problem,
you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone
Ranger have handled this?"
Brien's First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every
organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
Brilliant's Law Of Limited Ambition: If you can't learn how to do it well, learn
how to enjoy doing it poorly.
Brilliant's Observation On Modern Art: Not all our artists are playing a joke on
the public. Some are genuinely mad.
Business one-liners 54
Bureau Termination, Law of: When a government bureau is scheduled to
be phased out, the number of employees in that bureau will double within 12
months after the decision is made.
Brooke's Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some fool discovers
something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Calkin's Law of Menu Language: The number of adjectives and verbs that are added
to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the
dish.
Canada Bill Jones's Motto: It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their
money.
Canada Bill Jones's Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some
of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
Carlson's Consolation: Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve
as a bad example.
Carson's Observation on Footwear: If the shoe fits, buy the other one, too.
Chism's Law of Completion: The amount of time required to complete a government
project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't
possibly get any worse, they will.
Business one-liners 55
Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.
Excuses are like bodies; everybody has one!
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it.
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experiment and theory often show remarkable agreement when performed in the same
laboratory.
Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
Extremes meet.
Fact without theory is trivia; theory without fact is garbage.
Business one-liners 56
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Familiarity breeds children.
Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.
Fill what is empty; empty what is full; scratch where it itches.
For every "10" there are 10 "1's".
For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new, improved idiot will arise to
overcome it.
Business one-liners 57
For every problem, there is a neat, plain solution...and it is always
wrong.
For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.
Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.
Free advice costs nothing until you act upon it.
Free time which unexpectedly becomes available will be wasted.
Freud's 23rd law: ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their
soundness and validity.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Frustration is not having anyone to blame but yourself.
Genius is 1% inspiration, and 99% perspiration.
Geologists do not dress for success unless they are trying to convince others
that they are going on interviews.
Business one-liners 58
Given a bad start, trouble will increase at an exponential rate.
Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Go where the money is.
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
Good listeners are not only popular everywhere, but after awhile they know
something.
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Great minds run in great circles.
Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb at.
Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
Business one-liners 59
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Has anyone ever heard of a self-made failure?
Have you flogged your crew today?
He who beats his sword into a plowshare usually ends up plowing for those who
kept their swords.
He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
He who dies with the most toys, wins.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
He who hesitates is probably right.
He who pulls the oars does not have time to rock the boat.
Business one-liners 60
He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
He who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints.
Hindsight is an exact science.
History is the science of what never happens twice.
History repeats itself. That is one of the things wrong with history.
I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.
I have never found, in long experience, that criticism is ever inhibited by
ignorance.
I have run out of sick leave, so I'm calling in dead.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which when you looked at it
in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
Business one-liners 61
I knocked several times, but you weren't in. - Opportunity
I once worked as a salesman and was very independent; I took orders from no one.
I think we should really add to the confusion... Let's call in (Insert Your
Favorite Group - Engineering/Financial...)
I think...therefore I am confused.
I will get it done when I get it done!
I would give $1000 to be a millionaire.
I've got to stop getting fired like this. People will start to think I'm a
drifter. - Lee Iacocca
If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
If a man advances confidently in the direction of his dreams to live the life he
has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - Henry
David Thoreau
If a program is useful it will be changed, if it is useless, it will be
documented.
Business one-liners 62
If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.
If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your supervisor.
If at first you don't succeed, cheat!
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Business one-liners 63
If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a stupid fool.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not your sport.
If at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset.
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
If at first you don't succeed, well...darn.
If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.
If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who
didn't succeed either.
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
If at first you don't succeed, your successor will.
Business one-liners 64
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then
the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
If enough data is collected, anything can be proven by statistical methods.
If everything is coming your way, you are probably in the wrong lane.
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously do not know what the hell is
going on.
If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.
If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
If I your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
Business one-liners 65
If ignorance is bliss, most of us must be orgasmic.
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will
break it.
If it doesn't make sense, it's either economics or psychology.
If it doesn't work, expand it.
If it happens, it must be possible.
If it is good, they will stop making it.
If it is incomprehensible, it's mathematics.
If it is worth doing, it is worth doing for money.
If it is worth doing, it is worth over-doing.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Business one-liners 66
If it looks too good to be true, it is too good to be true.
If it says "one size fits all," it doesn't fit anyone.
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
If it works, don't fix it!
If idiots could fly, this world would be an airport.
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at
fault.
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.
If on an actuarial basis there is a 50-50 chance that something will go wrong,
it will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.
If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be
unreasonable.
Business one-liners 67
If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be
enough.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
If reproducibility might be a problem, conduct the test only once.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
If something is confidential, it will be left in the photocopy machine.
If something is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.
If 'success' consisted simply of not taking chances, then 'glory' would be at
the disposal of the most mediocre talent.
If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions are not likely to be very good.
If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
If the probability of success is not almost one, it is very near zero.
Business one-liners 68
If the slightest probability for an unpleasant event to happen
exists, the event will take place, preferably during a demonstration.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause
the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If there isn't a law, there will be.
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of 10
it will.
If there is light at the end of the tunnel...order more tunnel.
If things were left to chance, they would be better.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one great education!
If you aim for the stars but only make it to the moon, remember there are people
who have not yet made it to the moon.
If you are already in a hole, there is no use to continue digging.
Business one-liners 69
If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
If you are coasting, you're going downhill.
If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.
If you are worried about being crazy, don't be overly concerned. If you were,
you would think you were sane.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them. - Harry S. Truman
If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies.
Business one-liners 70
If you cannot fix it, feature it.
If you cannot get your work done in a 24-hour day, then work nights!
If you cannot measure output, then you measure input.
If you cannot hope for order, withdraw with style from the chaos.
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
If you did what you always did, you'll get what you always got.
If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
If you do not care where you are, then you aren't lost.
If you do not change direction, you are likely to end up where you are headed.
Business one-liners 71
If you do not know what you're doing, do it neatly.
If you do not like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
If you do not make dust, you eat dust.
If you do not say it, they can't repeat it.
If you do not understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.
If you explain so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.
If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it,
you'll need it but never know where it is.
If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
If you have got them by the testicles, their hearts and minds will follow.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
Business one-liners 72
If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances
are someone else will do it for you.
If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot
yourself in the posterior.
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a
prophet.
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really
make them think they'll hate you.
If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.
If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, you better wear work shoes.
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
Business one-liners 73
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you
good, you should run for your life.
If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong,
and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops.
If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.
If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line.
If you think that OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble.
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
If you throw something away, you will need it the next day.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
If you understand it, it is obsolete.
If you want to be well liked, never lie about yourself, and be careful when
telling the truth about others.
It works better if you plug it in.
Business one-liners 74
If you want to get along, go along.
If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.
If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something
left out, rather than added.
Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I'm so depressed.
Illegitimus non Carborundem: "Don't let the scum bags grind you down"
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.
In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and
then remains there.
In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one to keep his
mouth shut when he's right.
Business one-liners 75
In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts.
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of
only two basic substances: magic and lies.
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
Incompetence is a double-edged banana.
Influence is like a savings account. The less you use it, the more you've got. -
Andrew Young, American politician
Inspiration and perspiration are related by more than rhyme.
Intelligence is a tool to be used towards a goal, and goals are not always
chosen intelligently. - Larry Niven 'Protector'
Interchangable parts won't.
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to
others.
Business one-liners 76
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Indifference is the only sure defense.
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.
Information's pretty thin stuff, unless mixed with experience.
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not
having to go to work today.
Interchangeable parts won't.
Is there life before coffee?
It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too good either
if you speak when your head is empty.
Business one-liners 77
It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something
from the floor while you get up.
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, until you lose.
It is a dog-eat-dog world out there and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.
It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
It is better to be part of the idle rich class than be part of the idle poor
class.
It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than it is to speak and remove
all doubt. Moral: think before you speak. Or engage the brain when engaging the
mouth.
It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission.
It is easier to take it apart than to put it back together.
It is important to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.
It is impossible to build a foolproof system, because fools are so ingenious.
It just doesn't get any Beta than this.
Business one-liners 78
It is incredible how much intelligence is used in this world to prove
nonsense.
It is later than you think.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
It is not enough to tell me you worked hard to get your gold. The devil works
hard too.
It is not how someone measures up. It is how they measure you.
It is not sufficient to be a success; it is also necessary for your friends to
be failures.
It is not true that life is one thing after another, it's one stupid thing over
and over.
It is okay to be ignorant in some areas, but some people abuse the privilege.
It is the dead wood that holds up the tree.
It is when you trip over your own shoes that you start picking up shoes.
It isn't that they can't see the solution, it's that they can't see the problem.
Business one-liners 79
It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of
everything.
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
It's always the wrong time of the month.
It's better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.
It's better to retire too soon than too late.
It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
It's Good Enough For Government Work.
It's hell to work for a nervous boss, especially if you are why he's nervous!
Business one-liners 80
It's Not My Job!
It's not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.
It's not the work that gets me down, it's the coffee breaks.
It's out of my control.
Job placement: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy".
Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
Junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the
ends.
Just about the time when your income gets to the point where food prices don't
matter, calories do.