HOME
Error codes in Windows
WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger
WinErr 002: No Error - Yet
WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused
WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what happened
WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More!
WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside
WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside
WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look outside
WinErr 012: Window closed - Do not look inside
WinErr 013: Unexpected error - Huh ?
WinErr 014: Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error - System destroyed. Buy new one.
WinErr 019: User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
WinErr 01A: OS overwritten - Please reinstall all software.
WinErr 01B: Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you
will suffer a penalty for that.
WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
WinErr 01D: System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
WinErr 01E: Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
WinErr 020: Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.
WinErr 042: Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus,
however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus
will be activated again.
WinErr 079: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please
click the left mouse button to continue.
WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional
errors may not be displayed or recorded.
WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another
game?
WinErr 683: Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system
to complete boot procedure.
WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available.
WinErr 912: Purchase a new copy of Windows today. Old license void. Windows has
been deleted.
The top ten signs that your
co-worker is a computer hacker
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."
The 25 BBS Commandments
Thou shall love thy BBS with all thy heart and all thy bytes.
Thou shalt remember thy name and password.
Thou shalt only call a BBS two times a day.
Honor thy SysOp.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's password, nor his or her real name,
computer, software, nor any other thing belonging to him or her.
Thou shalt not post messages that are stupid, worthless, or have no meaning.
Thou shalt use the English language properly.
Thou shalt spell thy words correctly when ever possible.
Thou shalt delete thine olden messages.
Thou shalt help other users.
Thou shalt not post anonymously when offering criticism.
Thou shalt keep thy foul language to thyself.
Woe be unto the user who attempt to crash thy BBS, for he or she shalt be cast
out from the sanctuary of thy hobby and must repent by doing 40 days and 40
nights of penance of voice-only communications.
Thou shalt first dial BBS numbers during the day by way of voice line to assure
correct numbers.
Thou shalt not post messages while drunk.
Thou shalt confine thy messages to those of friendship, requests for assistance,
aid to the needy, advice, and advancement of thy hobby; and thou art obligated
to repel any who wouldst transgress upon those commandments.
If thou doth promise to reply to a message and thou doth not, then surely thou
shalt spill coffee into thy keyboard and burn out thy central processing chip.
Thou shalt not giveth any false information when applying for membership to a
BBS, for verily it is written that whosoever shall do so will surely be found
out and thy welcome on all boards will be thus denied forever and ever.
Thou shalt log on properly and in accordance with the SysOp's rules.
Thou shalt observe BBS time limits.
Thou shalt not upload "worm" programs.
Thou shalt not ask stupid questions that are already fully explained in the BBS
instructions.
Thou shalt not exchange copy protected software thru the BBS.
Thou shalt not violate applicable state/federal/local laws hand regulations
affecting BBS telecommunications, or thy will feel the wrath of thy judicial
system.
Thou shalt not hack.
The top ten reasons why the
television is better than the World Wide Web
10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV
channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404"
message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction"
sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in
the other.
Car break trouble
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on
their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when
suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control
down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to
a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt,
now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no
brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision,
formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous
Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides,
that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and
in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault,
fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should
push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
Alice is in UNIX land
"Can you help me? asked Alice.
"No," said Negative.
"I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had
been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked.
"No," said Negative.
She pointed the other way.
"Yes," said Positive.
Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an
apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In
one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read
"UNIX Conference."
Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were
sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they
passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the
one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or
four times before she approached and sat down.
Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her as if it wanted
to be loved. "Grep," it exclaimed.
"Don't mind him," explained the Mad Hacker. "He's just looking for some string."
"Nroff?" asked the Frog.
The Mad Hacker handed Alice a cup of custard-like substance and a spoon. "Here,"
he said, "what do you think of this?"
"It looks lovely," said Alice, "very sweet." She tried a spoonful. "Yuck!" she
cried. "It's awful. What is it?"
"Oh just another graphic interface for UNIX," answered the Hacker.
Alice pointed to the sleeping Dormouse. "Who's he?" she asked.
"That's OS Too," explained the Hacker. "We've pretty much given up on waking
him.
"Just than, a large, Blue Elephant sitting next to the Dormouse stood up.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he trumpeted pompously, "as the largest creature here, I
feel impelled to state that we must take an Open Look at..."
A young Job Sparrow on the other side of the table stood up angrily. The
Elephant noticed and changed his speech accordingly."...what our NextStep will
be.
"Half the creatures bowed in respect while the other half snickered quietly to
themselves. Just then, OS Too fell over in his sleep, crashing into the Elephant
and taking him down with him. No one seemed a bit surprised.
"What we need," declared a Sun Bear as he lapped up custard with his long
tongue," is a flavor that goes down like the Macintosh.
"Suddenly, the White Consultant began jumping up and down as his face got red.
"No, no, no! he screamed. "No one pays one fifty an hour to Macintosh
consultants!"
"Awk," said the Frog.
"Users," explained the Sun Bear, "want an easy interface that they will not have
to learn."
"Users?" cried the Consultant in disbelief. "Users?! You mean secretaries,
accountants, architects. Manual laborers!"
"Well," responded the Sun Bear, "we've got to do something to make them want to
switch to UNIX."
"Do you think," said a Woodpecker who had been busy making a hole in the table,
"that there might be a problem with the name `UNIX?' I mean, it does sort of
suggest being less than a man."
"Maybe we should try another name, " suggested the Job Sparrow, "like Brut, or
Rambo."
"Penix," suggested a Penguin.
"Mount," said the Frog, "spawn."
Alice slapped him. "Nice?" he asked.
"But then again," suggested the Woodpecker, "what about the shrinkwrap issue?"
Suddenly, everyone leaped up and started dashing about, waving their hands in
the air and screaming. Just as suddenly, they all sat down again.
"Now that that's settled," said the Woodpecker, "let's go back to tasting
flavors."
Everyone at the table sampled a new cup of custard. "Wrong flavor," they all
declared as they passed the cup to the creature on their right and took the one
being offered on their left.
Totally confused, Alice got up and left. After she had been walking away, she
heard a familiar voice behind her.
"Rem," is said, "edlin."
Alice turned and saw the Frog. She smiled. "Those are queer sounding words," she
said, "but at least I know what they mean."
"Chkdsk," said the Frog.
"Alice in UNIX land" was created by Lincoln Spector TEXAS COMPUTER CURRENTS
SEPTEMBER 1989
Husband 1.0
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0
and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available
for other applications.
She is now noticing that Husband 1.0 is also spawning Child Processors which are
further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena
was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users
have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the
application.
Not only that, Husband 1.0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at
system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She's
finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2.4, GirlsNight 3.5 and
CocktailNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the
system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
During installation, Husband 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of
undesired Plug-ins such as MotherInLaw 5.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also,
system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
Some features she'd like to see in the upcoming Husband 2.0 include:
1. A "Yes I'll cook, clean etc." button.
2. An install shield feature that allows Husband 2.0 be installed with the
option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system
resources.
I myself decided to avoid the headache associated with Husband 1.0 by sticking
with BoyFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems.
Apparently you cannot install BoyFriend 2.0 on top of BoyFriend 1.0; each
program begins damaging the other. You must uninstall BoyFriend 1.0 first. Other
users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. You'd
think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now! To make matters worse, the
uninstall program for BoyFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable
traces of the application in the system.
Another thing--all versions of BoyFriend 1.0 continually popup little annoying
messages about the advantages of upgrading to Husband 1.0.
Bug Warning
Husband 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Lover 1.1 before
uninstalling Husband 1.0, Husband 1.0 will delete MS Clothing allowance files,
before doing the uninstall himself.
More applications that won't run with Husband 1.0 include Chippendale 2.0,
Netballwatching 3.5, Suremoreshoes 6.0, and Cleanup 4.3.
Applications that run very well with Husband 1.0, however, include Bummingaround
1.0, Pubnight 2.3, Golfing 2.7, Pokernight 5.3, and Wanderingeyes 4.9.
Great news for Bill Gates
Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God.
God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this
world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the
Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses
and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them
though, that no matter what they did he was "not" changing his mind.
Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you.
First the good news . . . there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is
destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have good news and terrible news.
The first is that there "is" a God. The second is that he is destroying the
Earth in 3 days."
Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First,
God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Secondly,
you don't have to fix the bugs in Windows 95.
Confusion about Y2K
Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss,
none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company
calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved
months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.
In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak,
Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.
Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York
Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?
Software development cycle
1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that
the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15
new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement
based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but
introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji.
Entire testing department quits.
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from
their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo
program from scratch.
13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
Girlfriend 1.0 software
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0
(marketing name: Fiancee1.0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it's a memory hogger! It has
taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything.
Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw
and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the
resources and well-being of the computer.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0:
1. A "Don't remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be
completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other
objects).
I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed; they tried
using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend
1.0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand,
but it put files in my system directory.
Another thing that sucks--in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that
it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated
contacts.
Bug warning
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before
uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the
uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming
insufficient resources.
Hacker syndrome
by Tad Deriso
There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their
computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they
continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me.
Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to be messy. Even you
try to keep it clean, it is truly impossible. Whether it be empty Coke cans
laying all around, soldering devices, electric diodes, computer parts, or
integrated circuits, it is not only a pain for your mother to look at, but a
prime Russian ICBM missile target as well.
There is much detail needed to explain a Hacker. For instance, instead of
organizing his clothes by color, best ones, or style, he organizes his by pile.
Also, he likes to sing songs such as, "Let's get Digital", "We all live in a
yellow subroutine", and "Somewhere over the RAMbow".
Most Hackers do well in school. The reason is not to impress their teachers, not
to get money from their parents, and not to be educated, but they do it so they
can hopefully get a scholarship to MIT. You can't blame them, though, if they
are looking out into space. It might be because they are worried if MCI traced
the calls that they sent to NORAD.
All Hackers, big or small, love computers, whether they be Trash-80's or an IBM
360/VM workstation. When they get on one, it's mighty hard to get them off of
it.
There are 2 types of Hackers. One who likes to crash local BBS's, and the one
who writes programs in Assembly Language. The Hacker who crashes systems is the
one that most people think that a Hacker is. A typical example of one is John
Fredrickson (A.K.A. "The Phone Man"). He loves to crash computers, and break
into illegal systems. The ones that he has gotten in to are MCI, CitiBank,
school systems, IBM, Southern Bell, and Georgia Tech, not to mention all the
ones in between.
The second type of Hacker is the programmer. He writes games, utilities, and
anything else that he can think of. Take for example, John Harris, a freelance
software writer for On-Line Software Co. John had a brainstorm one day, and
decided to write Frogger for the Apple. He thought that it would take about 3
weeks to complete. He started on Frogger a week late, because of the complicated
music set that he had to write. After two months, he was almost done. He decided
to take a break and go to the Software Expo. He decided to take his nearly
completed Frogger, and show it to the consumers at the show. He also took with
him the only back-up copy, in case the main disk did not boot.
While at the fair, he was talking to the Manager about getting a booth. He had
his disks with him. Then, when he got a booth reserved, he reached down to get
his disks, and they were gone! All his hard work, including the MultiLevel
character generator, music lines, disk subroutines, assembly routines, debugging
programs, etc. All gone.
After that tragedy, John was in a deep depression. He finally started working on
it again in 3 months. He completed it in 4 months and 3 days.
Part Two:
Hackers always take time off. There is always one way to notice a true Hacker.
At a party, the true Hacker is the one in the corner talking about operating
system security and how to get around it. At the beach, the True Hacker is the
one drawing flow charts in the sand. At a football game, the true Hacker is the
one comparing the football plays against a simulation printed on 11 by 14
fanfold paper.
Most Hackers work for the U.S. Government-- mainly the Department of Defense.
You can see the best Hackers at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California.
What sort of environment does a Hacker function best in? No, not a heated room
with a clean table and disks organized neatly, but they do best in rooms that
have line-printed Snoopy calendars from the year 1969. They do not know how to
cook, so they survive on Twinkies and coffee. Instead of wasting electricity for
a heater, they spend it on air-conditioners to cool of their computer system in
mid-January when the temperatures are below freezing. They wear layers and
layers of clothing to keep the body heat in. When you see one of these people,
instead of a Hacker coming into your mind, you think that he is about to go on a
Polar expedition somewhere in the North Pole.
Hackers also like to hang around arcades. (This is also true for kids, little
old ladies, and fighter pilots.) There, secluded in their
own environment, Hackers can talk freely on computer hints and short cuts while
playing Pac-Man, or Joust.
All Hackers like Graphics. They like low-resolution, but prefer high-resolution
the best. These graphics, such as Sine waves, rotating 3-D boxes, and little
balloons, are confined to the limits of a systems capability. The older more
experienced Hackers are the ones who are lucky enough to get to work on a VAX
system, and maybe even a CRAY-1 SuperComputer. If they use these, they have only
the limits of their imagination to stop them.
Most Middle School Hackers between the ages of 10 through 14, like to use
computers to do reports on, and play games. Some of these younger generation
Hackers have gotten into BASIC programming.
Some people, like to impress real Hackers by making them think that they know
everything. There is a name for this kind of person. He is a Sub-Hacker (Intillectuous
dumbfoundeth). For instance, you come up to them one day, and say,"Hey so-and-so
what does BASIC stand for?" and you could sit there for days, and he would act
like the answer was on the tip of his tongue, when it was probably in his toes.
It is people like this that give Hackers a bad name.
Part Three:
All Hackers have rules that they go by. One is to never call long distance on
Monday, because of the high phone charge. If builders built buildings they way
programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that comes along would destroy
civilization. Another is, if the computer accepts a program on the first run
without any errors, either there is a malfunction, or it must be a dream.
Hackers are a unique breed. Combining intelligence, personality, and a morale
sense of good taste. A Hacker enjoys the environment that appeals to him the
most. Such as, the computer room, the arcade, science lab, or the Atari
downstairs. They like to be alone. Secluded in their own thoughts, thinking of
what the password could be to log on to General Electric. Hackers are the people
who are going to make our future brighter, and more exciting in the field of
electronics, data processing, artificial intelligence, and programming. We need
to support these people in all the ways that we can, so we will be insured of a
more happier future in the world of technological advancements.
How to shoot yourself in the
foot
Which language is right for you?
Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot.
Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a
blindfold and a last cigarrette.
BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until
your leg is waterlogged and rots off.
BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile
launcher.
C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot.
Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible.
COBOL: USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON
HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PREFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN.COLT TO HIP.HOLSTER.
cah: After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the
computer and switch to C.
dBASE: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are
promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the
gun is the one that is scheduled to shoot bullets.
Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, interactively, until you run out of
toes. You shoot the sixth bullet anyway, since no exception-processing was
anticipated.
Modula-2: You perform a shooting on what might currently be a foot with what
might currently be a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun.
Pascal: Same as Modula-2, except the bullet is not of the right type for the gun
and your hand is blown off.
PL/1: After consuming all system resources, including bullets, the data
processing department doubles its size, acquires two new mainframes, and drops
the original on your foot.
Smalltalk, Actor, etc: After playing with the graphics for three weeks, the
programming manager shoots you in the head.
Snobol: Grab your foot with your hand and rewrite your hand to be a bullet.