HOME
Yo Mama's So Stupid
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tupac Shakur is a Jewish holiday.
The Secret About Fred Flintstone
Why's Fred Flintstone a homosexual?
He's always having a gay old time.
Pinocchio and Splinters
One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.
"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do
about this?"
"Have you tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio hadn't, so he went to try it.
"Pinnochio," said Gepetto a few weeks later. "How is the problem work out with
your
"Girlfriend?" said Pinnochio. "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?"
Britney Spears vs. Computer
How is a computer like Britney Spears?
They're both cheap, white, and plastic.
Wizard of Toad
There once was a toad that was excluded from all Green Toad activities because
he was a handsome shade of yellow. So he went to visit a beautiful fairy in the
town over who had the power to grant wishes.
"Fairy," he said. "I would like to be green, so I can play with all the other
toads."
"Granted!" said the fairy, who turned him yellow. Unfortunately, his little
toady penis was still yellow.
"What about my penis?" he asked the fairy.
"Oh! For that, you'll have to go see the wizard." And so the toad hopped off to
find the wizard. Soon, a pink elephant visited the fairy, and he wished to be
turned gray. She granted him the wish, but, as with the toad, his penis was
still pink. So she told him to visit the wizard.
"How do I find the wizard?" he asked.
"Just follow the yellow dick toad."
Little Boy Blue
Knock, knock!
Who''s there?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue blue who?
Michael Jackson.
Captain Hook's Death
How did Captain Hook die?
He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!!
Ray Charles' Wife
Have you seen Ray Charles' wife?
Neither has he!
Blonde Radio
A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could
listen to it at night.
P. Diddy I. D.
You're so stupid you thought Puff Daddy was a brand of cigarettes.
Star Trek
Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
Baywatch
What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts?
Silicon Valley.
Duct Tape: A George Lucas
Production
Q: What do The Force and duct tape have in common?
Q: They both have a light side and a dark side, and they both hold the universe
David Beckham Redux
What do David Beckham and a Cartier watch have in common?
They both come in a Posh box!
The Michael Jackson Doll
Did you hear about the new Michael Jackson doll?
You wind it up and it plays with your kids!
Celebrity Computer Viruses
Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then
slowly expands to 300MB.
Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes
them.
Ellen Degeneres virus: Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
Titanic virus: Makes your whole computer go down.
Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.
Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.
HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week.
Woody Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
NFL Blackout virus: Will only let you run progams on a remote terminal that's
more than 75 miles away.
Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your personal files and forwards them to the
authorities.
Bill Clinton virus: Won't let you query the system for information.
Rush Limbaugh virus: Biases everything to the right.
Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused search of a specific file into a global
interregation of every existing file. Creates links between unrelated data.
Works extremely slow while searching and compiling results.
Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode but doesn't appear to really do
much of anything.
Saddam Hussein virus: Won't let you into any of your programs.
Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
George Michael virus: Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data
buildup.
Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files.
Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits when you're really
enjoying it.
David Caruso NYPD Blue virus: After running successfully for a while, it exits
the program it was in and never works again.
Pee Wee Herman virus: Exposes your confidential files to everyone.
X-files virus: All your Icons start shape shifting.
Spice Girl virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Beethoven's Chicken
Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying ''Bach, Bach, Bach...''
Homer's Favorite Ice Cream
What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?
Chocolate-chip cookie DOH!
Yo Mama's So Fat... TV
Yo mama is so fat that she walked in front of the TV and I missed an entire
two-hour special episode of “The X-Files.”
Superman and Batman
Superman once wrote on the wall: "Batman is a wimp."
The next day Batman wrote: "Superman is Clark Kent."