HOME
Write for mail order
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:
"Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438,
and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."
In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any
good, we'll send the engine."
Two men camping
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came
upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing,
which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon,
they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew
the experience.
Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been
years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One
of the men said to the other, "This is the place!".
The other replied, "No, it's not!".
The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the
other side.
To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover."
Fish cost a fortune
Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the
equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and
even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing
happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until
finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and
says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred
bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Dropped your wallet
Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his
wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp
came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away
and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, "That's the first
time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting."
Flying in the plane
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk
hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks.
The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their
gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said,
"The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind."
They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had
allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity.
Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when
the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make
it and they crashed into the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where
we are?"
"I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place
where we landed last year!"
Did you see that?
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see
that?"
"No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."
"Oh."
A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"
By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"
And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
Catching many fish
A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and
heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman
who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the
marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, " Only caught one, eh?"
Fishermen killed
Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin
sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name
their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not
decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply
occur to us."
After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar
fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while
the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents
positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's
call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and
from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away.
The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging
fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living
from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail
for a three month voyage.
The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not
returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years
passed before the greiving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She
recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to my darling
boys?" she cried.
The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: "We were just barely one whole day
out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard,
but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the
waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started
to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was
swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again."
"Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!"
"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away...."
Some fishing terms
Ten common fishing terms explained
Catch and Release - A conservation motion that happens most often right before
the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it's
limit.
Hook - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever
advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and
reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends their
life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).
Line - Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your
fishing went the past weekend.
Lure - An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into
such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting
the tackle shop.
Reel - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped
overboard.
Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from
ever getting too close to a fish.
School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold
out for spam instead.
Tackle - What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before
he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.
Tackle Box - A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only
a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong
box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.
Test - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting
fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming
"that darn line" for once again losing the fish.
Fishermen meet
When Fishermen Meet
"Hiyamac"
"Lobuddy"
"Binearlong?"
"Coplours"
"Cetchenny?"
"Goddafew"
"Kindarthay?"
"Bassencarp"
"Ennysizetoom?"
"Couplapowns"
"Hittinhard?"
"Sordalike"
"Wachoosen?"
"Gobbawurms"
"Fishanonaboddum?"
"Rydononaboddum"
"Whatchadrinkin?"
"Jugajimbeam"
"Igoddago"
"Tubad"
"Seeyaroun"
"Yeahtakideezy"
"Guluck"
Catching the fish
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun
all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the
supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four
large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."
"But why?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should
tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."