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South Park
Q: What county in Ireland hates "South Park?"
A: Killkenny.
Chilling with the Eskimo
What do eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?
Polaroids!
Afghani Joe
What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan?
Osama bin Latte
Top Ten Reasons For Being
English
1. Two World Wars and one World Cup
2. Proper beer
3. You can confuse everyone with the rules for cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously
5. Union Jack Underpants
6. You can live in the past and imagine that you're still a world power
7. You can bathe once a week whether you need to or not
8. You can change your underwear once a week whether you need to or not
9. Beats being Scottish
10. Beats being Welsh
Taliban Snippet
How come the Taliban are not circumcised?
It gives them a place to put their bubblegum during a sandstorm.
Rubber Toe
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
The Polish Navy
Q: How do you sink a Polish ship?
A: Put it in water.
The Mexican Firefighter
Q. What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
A. Hose A and Hose B
British Sports Humor
How many Man U. fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the lightbulb, and one to drive down to Kent to pick him/her up.
Gumor's Orifice Confusion
Gumor said to Selma. Selma can I put my finger in your bellybutton? Selma said
"No."
Gumor asked her again Selma can I put my finger in your bellybutton? Selma said
"No."
Gumor asks her again Selma can I put my finger in your bellybutton? Selma says
"OK."
A minute later Selma says Gumor that's not my bellybutton. Gumor says, ''Suprise,
Suprise! That's not my finger either.''
English, Irish & Scottish
Football
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert,
hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat
the liver."
"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."
"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
German Vasoline
What do you call Vasoline in German?
Vienerschlide.
Laloo Flies the Friendly Skies
Joke from our friends in India...
Once as Laloo was coming out of airport, there was huge rush and the security
guard told him, "Wait Please."
To which Laloo replied, "65 kgs," and moved on.
Mexican Funeral
Q: What's the slowest thing in the world?
A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
Asian Lady
There was an Asian lady who married an English gentleman and moved to London.
The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to
communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop
for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know
how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show
her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to
say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got
what she wanted.
The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So she brought her husband
to the store...because he spoke English.
Buried at Sea
This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to
his bedside. "Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried
at sea." So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page
read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick
McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral
arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be
buried at sea."
Prime Minister Material
Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning
walk at 5 a.m..
Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.
Ocean Highway Hijinx
A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp with a genie. The genie
promises to grant him whatever wish he wants.
"Okay," says the man, "I would like a highway across the oceans."
"Hrm," says the genie. "Is there anyway you could wish for something smaller?"
"How 'bout three Polish women with IQs over 90?"
"How many lanes do you want for your highway?"
If you're American ...
If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come
out, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
European!
Irishman
Two men drive into a car wash. Which one is the Irishman?
The one on the motorbike.