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Policeman
What to not say to the nice policeman.
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police
officer.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad cop! No doughnut!
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at
McDonald's?
I pay your salary!
So, uh, you on the take or what?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car
around--that's how far ahead of me they are.
What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and
got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of
control.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?
Yo Mama's So Fat... Corduroys
Yo' mama so fat, she wore corduroys and smoothed out the ridges!
Yo Mama's So Fat... Ocean
Yo' mama so fat, she jumped in the ocean and whales started singing "We Are
Family!"
Yo Mama's so fat... Liposuction
Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Your Butt Is So Big
Your butt is so big, you have more crack than a drug dealer.
The Bakery Called, Fatty
The bakery called -- they want their rolls back!
Yo Mama's Fertile
Yo mama's so dirty, plants grow off her ass.
Yo Mama's So Fat... Airport
Yo mama's so fat, she got busted in the airport for having 200 pounds of crack.
You Are So Fat
You are so fat, I put a quarter up your butt and you spat out a Little Debbie
cake.
Yo mama's so fat... strechmarks
Yo Mama is so fat, she leaves stretchmarks in the bath tub
You So Poor
You so poor, every time the wind blows, your address changes!
Poppa is a Brand New Bag
Yo' daddy's so ugly, when he looked out the window he was arrested for mooning!
You So Ugly
You so ugly, your mama put you next to a piece of crap and said "Twins!"
You're So Ugly
You're so ugly that, when you were born, the doctor didn't know which end to
slap!
You're so stupid... Police
You're so stupid that when police tell you you broke the speed limit, you offer
to fix it.
Furniture for the Fat
You're so fat that once you bent over and a couch and three chairs came out.
Yo mama's so fat... rehab...
Yo mama is so fat that she has to go to rehab for mainlining pork chops.
Yo mama's So Fat
Yo' mama so fat she has to call Sherwin-Williams to paint her toenails!
Yo Mama... Christmas Corner
Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she
went looking for it.