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Yo Mama's So Fat... no
birth certificate
Yo' mama so fat, when she was born, they didn't get a birth certificate -- they
got blueprints!
You So Ugly
You so ugly, last time you got ass was when your toilet paper broke!
You Know You're Ghetto
You know you're ghetto, if you name your kids after cars you can't afford!
Yo Mama Golden Arches
Yo' mama like a Big Mac -- full of fat and only worth a buck!
Yo mama's...Fat
Your mama is so fat that when she sat on a rainbow, skittles came out .
60 Things Not to Say to a Naked
Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
The Halloween Costume
There once was a man with a bald head and a pegleg who was in need of a kickin'
Halloween costume. So he wrote to a costume company, who promptly sent him a
bandana and a hook so he could be a pirate.
Outraged that they were making fun of his pegleg, he fired off a complaint
letter. In order to please him, the costume company sent him a monk's costume
saying that it would be perfect for his bald head.
Now outraged that they were making fun of his bald head, the man sent another
angry letter. Soon after, another package arrived in the mail -- a package of
caramel. Attached was a note:
"Stick the pegleg up your ass, dip your head in caramel, and go as a caramel
apple."
Yo Mama's So Fat... Shocks
Yo' mama so fat, she got shocks on her toilet!
Yo mama's So Fat
Yo' mama so fat, her beeper goes off and people think she's backing up!
Arkansas State Residency
Application
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_)
Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate
box)
Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin
(_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___
Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number
of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom
____ kitchen ____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
You So Ugly
You so ugly, your face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze!
PMS
Q: Why do they call PMS PMS?
A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!
Yo mama's So Stupid
Yo' mama so stupid, she put a ruler next to her bed to see how long she sleeps!
Yo mama's So Stupid
Yo' mama so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
First Class Blondie
A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach
section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class
seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more
comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant
checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here
all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of
the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned
seat is in coach.
Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to
sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to
discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde
girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and
briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and
rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant,
who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had
said to the woman.
He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
Yo mama's So Poor
Yo' mama so poor, she asked for a discount on pennycandy!
Comeback Before You Leave
If I want to hear from an asshole, I'll fart!
Yo Mama Stumbled
Yo mama's so big, fat and clumsy, when she tried to get to Wal-Mart, she
stumbled over K-Mart and landed right on Target.