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Monica's New Boyfriend
Monica Lewinsky and her new boyfriend are making love. After they finish having
sex, the new boyfriend asks, "Was I as good as Bill?"
"Close, but no cigar.''
Jenna and Barbara's Companion
Q: Who were Jenna and Barbara Bush with when they got caught by the police?
A: Their uncle Anheuser
How Many Interns?
How many interns does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None — they're too busy screwing the President!
Bad Lawyer
Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.
Bumper Crop O' Bumper Stickers
Bush happens
Life is like a box of chocolates. Looks like we got a bad one. (Impeach Bush)
Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Vegetarians taste better
There is absolutely no excuse for the way I'm about to drive
If you're reading this, it's time to MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Don't steal. the government hates competition
I'm frum texas. yep, we luv ar bush. he's jest as smrt as we ar
Honk if you like peace and quiet
Gary Condit's Bad Hair Days
Why does Gary Condit's hair always stick up?
He's afraid they'll find the body.
A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for
speeding
A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.
He says, "Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?"
Jenna replies, "No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating
doughnuts?
Clinton's Boxers
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers?
To keep his ankles warm!
Political Jokes
The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.
Aliens Attack
President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself,
"there's good news & bad news."
"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another
planet."
"Gosh, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."
Princess Di and Thomas
Q: What's the difference between Princess Di and Thomas the Tank Engine?
A: Thomas the Tank Engine made it through the tunnel!
David Beckham
What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?
One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
How Many Union Guys Does It
Take...
How many union guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fifteen. You got a problem with that?
Bush, Cheney, and the Buck
Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck, and were dragging it by the
legs back to their car, when they were approached by a seasoned old hunter.
"Hello, Mr. President, and Vice President. If I may please make a suggestion...
it would be much easier for you to drag your deer in the other direction. Then
the antlers won't dig into the ground."
The leaders of the free world thanked the man and tried his suggesion. A while
later Cheney said, "You know, that was good thinking. This is a lot easier!"
"Yessir," agreed Bush. "But durn it! We're gettin' farther away from our truck!"
Random Acts of Stupidity Roundup
Curators at India's Baroda Museum reported irreparable damage to a priceless
3,000-year-old mummy, done by an overzealous cleaning person who apparently
opened the mummy's case and vacuumed the body. The vacuum removed ancient dust,
peeled toe paint, sucked off part of the nose, and loosened bandages.
An anti-logging protester from radical Earth First! was killed near Fortuna, CA,
when one of the trees fell on him.
In an unconfirmed report, a spokesperson for the Italian Gattinoni fashion house
announced Monica Lewinsky has agreed to model a blue two-piece suit there during
an October “Roma Outsize” fashion show in Milan. She'll supposedly get $470,000,
half of which will go to charity.... Gattinoni recently unveiled a flesh-colored
skin-tight “condom dress” decorated with Viagra pills.
Saturday in Beaumont TX a 20-minute halftime brawl erupted between the Southern
University and Prairie View A&M marching bands as the formations passed each
other. Three people were taken to the hospital, four $5,000 tubas were bent, and
one saxophone plus several pieces of uniform were reported missing.
Avon is finally eschewing its all-door-to-door selling strategy and starting
retail discount outlets.
October's National Geographic will be the magazine's first with a scent strip.
It's a scientific recreation of Cleopatra's perfume.
Monica's First Look
Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government?
A: The Executive Branch!
Bin Laden's Ruski Proposition
Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:
If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!
Bin Laden vs Aladdin
What's the difference between bin Laden and Aladdin?
Aladdin had 3 wishes and bin Laden only has 1 - a death wish.
Osama's New City
What's the capital of Afghanistan?
KABOOM!!