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Homosexual
Why do homosexuals like Cheney And Dubya?
Cause gay men like Dick and lesbians love Bush.
Dubya, Cheney & Jumbo
George Bush and his accomplice Dick Cheney were riding on an elephant. A group
of bystanders were watching intently. All of a sudden someone in the croud
shouted, "Hey look that elephant has two assholes on it!"
Bush and Cheney looked down at the elephants ass, confused.
Authentic Grafitti
Make love, not war. Hell, do both: get married!
* Women's Restroom; The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana
I've decided that to raise my grades, I must lower my standards.
* Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
* Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
* Revolution Books. New York, New York.
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have
trouble with it.
* Women's Restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up
with her crap.
* Men's Restroom, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
* Men's Restroom, House of Representatives. Washington, D.C.
Clinton & A Screwdriver
Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?
A: A screwdriver turns in screws, and Clinton screws interns!
Diplomacy Definition
The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward
to the trip!
Whose Son is He?
About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail Gorbachev at the Kremlin.
When he got him alone for a moment, he said to Gorbachev, ''Mikhail, can you
help me with a problem? I have some doubts about one of the key people under me.
How do you decide that someone is smart enough to work for you?''
''Well, when I was interviewing Eduard Shevardnadze, I asked him, 'Eduard, who
is the son of your father but not your brother?'''
''What did he say?'' Bush asked.
''He said, 'that's me,' so I hired him.''
Bush patted Gorbachev on the shoulder. ''Thanks, Mikhail. That's a great idea.''
As soon as he got back to Washington, Bush called Dan Quayle over to the White
House.
''Dan,'' he said, ''I've got a question for you. Who is the son of your father
but not your brother?''
Quayle looked rather puzzled. ''Can I get back to you on that in 24 hours, Mr.
President?'' He was very troubled by this question. He kept thinking about it
and thinking about it, but couldn't get anywhere. Finally, the thought struck
him, ''I'll ask Jim Baker. He's a smart guy.'' Quayle called Baker on the phone.
''Jim, I've got a question for you. Who is the son of your father, but not your
brother?''
''That would be me,'' Baker replied. Quayle broke into a big smile.
''Thanks, Jim. You've helped me out big time.'' He went running to the West Wing
and burst into the Oval Office. ''Mr. President, I have the answer!''
''Okay, Dan. Who is the son of your father, but not your brother?''
''It's Jim Baker!'' said Quayle.
''No,'' said Bush. ''It's Shevardnadze.''
Bush and Cheney Lunch
Bush and Cheney are at a restaurant for lunch. The waitress comes over and asks
what they will be having.
Bush says, "I'll have a quickie."
The waitress steps back in disgust and says, "Mr. President, I thought that kind
of piggish behavior went out with the last administration!"
She storms off and Dubya looks confused. Cheney shakes his head at the president
and says, "George, it's pronounced QUICHE."
The Jewish Vote
I asked a Jew who he was going to vote for as president.
He said, "Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the
desert for 40 years."
Clinton & A New Gallup Poll
Women in Washington D.C. were asked if they would have sex with the President.
86% of those responding said ''Not again.''
Morning at the White House
White House staffers were perplexed one morning to see Bill Clinton walk into
the Oval Office with a pair of woman's panties pinned to his arm. Somewhat used
to the president's tendencies, they let it go and went about their daily tasks.
As the day wore on, several VIPs were ushered in and out of the Oval Office for
meetings with Clinton about important affairs of the state. Each one left with a
puzzled expression on his face, but no one dared ask the President's personal
business.
Finally, Betty Currie, Clinton's loyal secretary walked into the office between
appointments and gently closed the door behind her. "Mr. President," she said.
"We've come to expect many unusual things from you but we're all quite concerned
that you seem to be wearing a pair of woman's panties on your arm. Please tell
me this doesn't mean more 'trouble'."
"Oh no," the President grinned, "it's the patch. I'm trying to quit."
Clinton, Bush, and Washington...
Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington were on the Titanic.
As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, ''Save the
women!''
George Bush hysterically screeches, ''Screw the women!''
And Bill Clinton smirks and purrs, ''Do we have time?''
Virgins in Caves
What do you call a cave-dwelling virgin?
Never Bin Laidon
Politically Speaking
"My uncle ran for Senate last year."
"Really? What does he do now?"
"Nothing. He got elected."
Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and
Don Juan
Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and Don Juan are sitting around a table discussing who
the best person in the world is. Sleeping Beauty claims that she is the best
because she is the most beautiful person in the world.
Hercules claims that he is the best because he is the strongest person in the
world.
Don Juan claims that he is the best because he has loved the most women in the
world.
So they decide to go speak to the wise man and see who is the best. They agree
to go in alone so as not to be embarassed in front of the others.
Sleepy Beauty goes in first and came out smiling. She says that she truly is the
most beautiful person in the world.
Hercules goes in next and also came out smiling. He says that he truly is the
strongest person in all the world.
Don Juan goes in last but when he comes out he is very angry and confused. He
exclaims,''Who the hell is Bill Clinton?!?''
Pulling His Cheney
George W. Bush ran into Colin Powell`s office exclaiming, "Dick Cheney hanged
himself in his bathroom!"
Colin Powell says "Oh, No! Did you cut him down?"
"Cut him down?" asks George W. "How could I cut him down? He wasn`t dead yet!"
Adam and Eve
Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who
should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates.
"Who was the first man?" asked Peter.
"Adam."
"That's correct. Enter." Soon another man came along.
"Where did Adam and Eve live?"
"Eden."
That's correct. Enter." Then Mother Theresa came along.
"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for
the first time?"
"Mmm, that IS a hard one."
"Enter."
The Rescue
One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for
help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He
thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.
The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted
a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.
The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those,
son, you're not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out
whose life I saved.”
Bush's Morning Run
A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies one morning. George Bush was
on his morning run, accompanied by some Secret Service workers. Dubya asked the
boy what kind of puppies were in the box.
The little boy said, "Republicans."
The President beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Atta boy!"
A few weeks later Bush was jogging again, this time with Dick Cheney in tow.
Bush stopped at the boy's house, winked at Dick and said, "Hey kid, what kind of
pupies are in the box?"
The boy said, "Democracts"
Bush looked crushed, saying, "What happened? A few weeks ago they were
Republicans!"
The boy said, "Well, the puppies opened their eyes."
New Canadian Flag
Canada, in view of recent events, will be changing the maple leaf on the flag to
a marijuana plant.
That way, the people of Quebec will have good reason to burn the flag.
Fred bin Flintsone
What do bin Laden and Fred Flintstone have in common?
They both look out of their caves and see Rubble.