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You Might Be A Redneck...Deer
You might be a redneck if you've ever hit a deer with your car, deliberately!
Redneck's Last Words
What are a typical redneck's three last words?
"Hey, watch this! "
Redneck Religiousity
If you make change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
Redneck Religiousity
If you make change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
The Fishing Spot
One day Bob and Bubba went fishing. They were catching a lot of fish so they
wanted to figure out how to remember this part if the lake.
Bob said, ''I know. I can spit in the water!''
But Bubba said, '' No! How will we know it's your spit?''
They thought and thought and finally Bob said, '' I know. We can draw an 'X'
right here on the side of the boat!''
But Bubba said ''No, no, Bob. That won't work! How will we know that we get the
same boat next time?''
Blonde and a Pig
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a
person who asks, ''Where did you get that?''
The pig says, ''I won her in a raffle!''
What a Gasser
A young man goes home from a war to see his mother in the hills of West
Virginia. She has never left the hills and has never seen anything like her
son's uniform or gun. He shows his mother both items, then she asks about the
grenades on his belt.
He says,“'Well, you pull the pin and throw it.”
She still doesn't quite get it, so he decides to demonstrate and throws it into
the backyard.
The outhouse blows up and his mother cries, “Son you shouldn't have done that!
Your father was in there.”
And out crawls his father, all covered in dirt. He looks over at the hole and
says, “Good thing I didn't let that off in the house.”
132 legs and 8 teeth
Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!
A Sack Full of Chickens
One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big
potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, ''I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm
Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight.''
The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.
''Well I'll tell you,'' replied the man, ''If you can guess how many chickens I
got in this here sack I'll give them both to you.''
Y'Might Be A Redneck
Y'might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call per day!
You Might Be A
Redneck...Mattress
You might be a redneck, if the Salvation Army declines your mattress!
You Might Be A Redneck...Total
You might be a redneck if you've totaled every car you've ever owned!
West Virgina's Most Confusing
Day
What is the biggest day of confusion in West Virginia?
Father's Day.
Arkansas Scholars
Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16
year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president
someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A:
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the
Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is
no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins
in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex
can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels
and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his
boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body
is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie
Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent
contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is
a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms.
They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be
eight.
Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A:
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the
Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is
no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins
in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex
can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels
and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his
boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body
is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie
Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent
contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is
a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms.
They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be
eight.
Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A:
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the
Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is
no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins
in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex
can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels
and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his
boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body
is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie
Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent
contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is
a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms.
They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be
eight.
Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
In Arkansas They Got Grody Teeth
Why are there hardly any dental professionals in Arkansas?
Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.
Cletus's Christmas
You might be a redneck if you give Santa three pickled eggs and a cold one
instead of cookies and milk.
Ark-N-Saw
A new law recently passed in Arkansas.
When a couple is divorced, they can still legally be brother and sister.
Redneck Jedi II
You might be a redneck Jedi if you say, "Luke I am your father... and your
brother."
Rednecks' Dogs
Q: Why do rednecks' dogs have flat noses?
A: From chasing parked cars...
Y'might Be A Redneck
Y'might be a redneck if ya can french kiss yer girlfriend without partin' yer
teeth!
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