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You might be a redneck if 46
You might be a redneck if...
Your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was
flooded.
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
You might be a redneck if 47
You might be a redneck if...
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
You might be a redneck if 48
You might be a redneck if...
You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than grandpa.
Your masseuse uses lard.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
On stag night, you take a real deer.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
You might be a redneck if 49
You might be a redneck if...
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
Your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the yard.
Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.
Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.
Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
You might be a redneck if 50
You might be a redneck if...
You think cur is a breed of dog.
People hear your car long before they see it.
Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You've ever hitchhiked naked.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
You might be a redneck if 51
You might be a redneck if...
Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.
Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
You might be a redneck if 52
You might be a redneck if...
You list your parole officer as a reference.
There are more fish on your wall than pictures.
Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.
You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You might be a redneck if 53
You might be a redneck if...
You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the
front yard.
You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
You don't think Jeff's jokes are funny.
Your house has a kickstand.
You drive around a parking lot for fun.
Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents "Ma and Pa".
You have to duct tape your gloves on.
You've ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.
Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.
You think that Marlboro is a cologne.
You might be a redneck if 54
You might be a reneck if...
Your best coat is a black and red checkered.
You put your Christmas lights up 2 weeks after taking them down.
You consider duct tape and tarp straps necessities for auto body repair.
You raise the confederate flag in the bed of your truck whenever you go for a
drive.
You can't wait for the Saturday night square dance.
You refer to your truck as if it had a legal first name.
You've ever been given a gun as a present.
Flannel is your favorite color.
You or one of your relatives is named Cletus.
Your grandfather can sense a storm coming by a mysterious twitching in his knee.
You might be a redneck if 55
You might be a reneck if...
The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer
of mud.
You have got more bumper stickers than children.
Your wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge
thru the wet Georgia red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other
pair to wear at the funeral.
You have ever been in a funeral where the flower truck was a pickup,
particularly if it belonged to one of the family, more particularly if it was
yours.
You have ever had to stop at a car wash on the way to a funeral to wash the dump
dirt from the back of your pickup so you can use it as a flower truck.
Your clawfoot bathtub has ever been unusable because your wife was using it as a
brooder.
Your clawfoot bathtub sometimes serves as a hospital for injured fowl.
You have ever come home and heard a ruckus in the bathroom. When you looked in,
one of the injured fowl had escaped, found the chicken in the mirror, and was
currently fighting with said chicken. 56.There have ever been any gun parts,
magazines, or ammunition stored on the window ledge of your kitchen.
Particularly if they have if they have laid there long enough for the sun to
bleach the paper on the shotgun shells.
Any part of your driveway has ever been unusable due to nesting fowl.
One or more doors to your house or trailer are periodically unusable due to
nesting fowl.
You might be a redneck if 56
You might be a reneck if...
The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are
big enough to hurt them.
You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any
fowl that was frozen to the roof.
You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.
You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that
you could throw a rock and hit them.
You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.
You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out
before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.
Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.
Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they
learned to talk.
You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.
You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.
You might be a redneck if 57
You might be a reneck if...
You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because
they won't come down your driveway to get it.
The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave
to her.
Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown
in them since the last time you went.
You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS
concert.
You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.
When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of
the time.
Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most
Wanted".
You own more than two clappers.
You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.
You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.
You might be a redneck if 58
You might be a reneck if...
Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife's car, but no blade.
You roll your pickup truck and laugh about it.
You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.
You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool.
Your pickup truck no longer has a back.
The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels the
other day.
The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels
"over yonder in them hills."
Your mustache is longer than your wife's hair.
Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a pulley and a hook.
Your gear shift lever is a pair of vise grips.
You might be a redneck if 59
You might be a reneck if...
Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont drifter and a dip net.
City code enforcement officers use your property as a proving ground for new
recruits.
You think Tang is in the fruit group.
You can hit a bullseye from up to 50 yards away, but still have trouble with
your ABC's.
You've ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.
You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.
Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can't find it.
You think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season.
You ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy.
The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.
You might be a redneck if 60
You might be a reneck if...
You've run out of room on your arm from the tattoos of all wives names.
You refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong suspicion that
mud and rust is all that's holding it together.
People mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard sale.
You've ever told the local sheriff that you smell a pig and he replies, " I knew
I should have taken a shower after I slopped the hogs today."
Your idea of a luxury car is one that has the white fur covered seats in it.
You think the internet is a new fishing tool.
There's a pothole in the road and you swerve . . . to hit it.
Your Truck has more Neon on it than the window of your local bar.
You argue to the government that the budwiser plant should be one of the 7
wonders of the world.
Your kids can't go out for Hollween because there's nobody within walking
distance to get candy from.
You might be a redneck if 61
You might be a reneck if...
You buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for all your
"stuff" (cars, trucks building materials).
Your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper.
The oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive repair
equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the old Dodge?)
Instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun within reach,
"just in case".
You consider pickled deer organs a delicacy.
You don't know what a redneck is.
You're still upset that they canceled "The Dukes of Hazzard".
You thought ER was ET's cousin.
You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.
You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.
You might be a redneck if 62
You might be a reneck if...
You've ever been stuck in your own driveway.
You refer to your dog as the dishwasher.
Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color.
You repair your car in the autoparts store parking lot.
You can name all the characters from the "Dukes of Hazzard".
You recite lines from "The Dukes of Hazzard".
You keep track of all the belt holders in all the wrestling leagues.
You got married in the family car, in a drive-thru chapel.
You search your computer monitor for the dial that changes channels.
Your idea of a fancy dessert is "moon pie ala mode".
You might be a redneck if 63
You might be a reneck if...
You just bought your family their lst Atari game system.
You and your wife celebrate your anniversay at the K-mart cafeteria.
You think the only tools "real men" need are duck tape and caulk, and you have
sucessful repair projects to prove it.
You've tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up.
You name your car the General Lee.
You see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it.
You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan.
Warp drive describes the condition of your car.
Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.
You go to the dentist for a "Tooth Cleaning".
You might be a redneck if 64
You might be a reneck if...
You pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal.
Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday, and you like it.
Coons get into everyone else's trash but yours.
When you say, "Let's hit the hay," you actually MEAN it.
You can feed a family of five on ONE McDonald's Extra Value Meal.
Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds.
You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong.
You *have* a clawfoot bathtub.
You've ever been arrested for bootleggin'.
You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights.
You might be a redneck if 65
You might be a reneck if...
Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite.
Burger King won't let you do it your way, right away.
You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can't remember your wifes
birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary.
You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how
old your children are.
Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts.
You think a computer hacker carries an axe.
You keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case".
You've given your gun a woman's name.
Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools.
You go to the post office to research your family tree.
You might be a redneck if 66
You might be a reneck if...
You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have
mistaken it for your spit can.
You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.
Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.
You see a forest fire and think 'Bar-bee-Q'.
You've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.
Your mother is hairier than your father.
Instead of flossing you use a plunger.
You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the
empty beer cans in the back that way.
When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start
all over again.
Your grandma can bench press a ruck axle.
You might be a redneck if 67
You might be a reneck if...
You watch "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and have to find someone to explain it to you.
Your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day and say you've
met your future wife.
When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny
sack.
Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.
Your favorite fruit is chicken.
You think those yellow traffic signs that say "Slow children at play" means the
kids in the area are not too bright.
At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty
years old.
You think "Country & Western" covers both types of music.
You've ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.
You might be a redneck if 68
You might be a reneck if...
You can chew your own toenails.
You've ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.
You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national
holiday.
Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles.
You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it looks so pretty.
You've ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didn't spit it
out.
Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.
You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.
Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk
driving test.
Your mama has more tattoos than you do.
You might be a redneck if 69
You might be a reneck if...
You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.
Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.
The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed y.
You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3 year o.
Your dog's shots are up to date but your children's aren't.
You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.
Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.
You consider your annual bath one too many.
You wore a baseball cap to the opera.
If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald's playhouse.
If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.
You might be a redneck if 70
You might be a reneck if...
You've ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.
Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the
weight of your pocket knife.
Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.
You picket your horses on your lawn so you won't have to mow it.
You're wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver's license pic.
You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds.
You save old kitchen appliances for target practice.
You save old kitchen appliances for children's Christmas presents.
You get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for entertainment.
Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.
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