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Redneck on the Radio
A redneck calls into a radio advice show and asks, ''If I get divorced from my
wife, does that mean she ain't my sister any more?''
You Might Be A
Redneck...Fireworks
You might be a redneck if...
your lifelong goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Redneck Senior
If you refer to the fourth grade as your senior year, you might be a redneck.
Bamming in 'Bama
What do you call the moisture between two people having sex in Alabama?
Relative humidity
Tornado and Redneck Divorce
What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
Three Dumb Hunters
Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck.
He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he
did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."
So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask
him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."
So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."
So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and
totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see
tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"
Bad Drivers
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell
phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the
radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''
Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''
You Might Be A Redneck...Wine
You might be a redneck if rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church
you bring your own beer!
Escape a DWI Rap
Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing
lights from a policeman appear in the driver's rear-view mirror. ''Don't
worry!'' says the driver to his friend, ''Just do exactly what I tell you and
everything will work out perfectly. First, we'll peel the labels off our beer
bottles and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now shove all of the bottles
under the front seat! And, let me do all the talking!''
They pull over to the side of the road and the cop walks up to the car. He
shines his flashlight into the car and looks at the two drunks. ''Have you been
drinking?'' he asks them.
''Oh no Sir,'' replies the driver.
''I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you
haven't been drinking?'' the cop asks.
''Oh, no sir,'' the drunk answers. ''We haven't had a thing to drink tonight.''
''Well, I've got to ask you,'' says the cop, ''What on earth are those things on
your forehead?''
''That's easy, Officer,'' says the drunk. ''You see, we're both alchoholics, and
we're on the patch!''
Redneck Pool Table
You might be a redneck if you were conceived, born and taught on a pool table.
Southern Foreplay
What do you call foreplay in Alabama?
'Hey sis, you awake?'
Redneck Disaster
What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck divorce all have in common?
Someone's fixin to lose a house trailer...
Hillbilly Newlyweds
A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted children, but didn't know
how to go about it. Questions and conversations with friends and relatives
proved no help, until a neighbor said they should go to town and ask the Big
City Doctor. The doctor let them look at a child's book about where babies came
from, but to no avail. He tried his own explanation but was met with blank
stares. Exasperated, he took them to his private office, and showed them a porno
movie. This was also useless. Angrily, he ordered the girl to strip, told the
man to watch, and had sex with her on the couch.
''Now, do you understand?'' he asked.
''I just have one question. How many times a week do I have to bring her in for
this?''
Redneck Communion
You might be a redneck if your congregation uses shot glasses for communion.
You Might Be A Redneck...Gas
Pedal
You might be a redneck if your gas pedal in the car is shaped like a bare foot!
West Virginia Custody Battle
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An
old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court,
but custody of the children was a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had
brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children.
The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence,
the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge, when I put a
quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or
the machine?"
You Might Be A Redneck...Q-Tips
You might be a redneck if you prefer car keys to Q-Tips!
You Might Be A Redneck...Dog
You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging!
Redneck Marital Woes
You might be a redneck if you have to take your hat off so your wife can fit
into the truck with you.
You Might Be A Redneck...Senior
Year
You might be a redneck if you consider the fifth grade your senior year!
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