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You Might Be A Redneck
If...Fight Song
You might be a redneck if you high school fight song was ''Dueling Banjos!''
You Might Be a Redneck
You might be a redneck if loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk!
You Might Be A Redneck...Books
You might be a redneck if you believe books are bad luck!
You Might Be A Redneck...Truck
You might be a redneck if you learned to drive in a monster truck!
The Redneck-Unabomber Connection
What does a redneck girl and the Unabomber have in common?
They've both been fingered by their brothers.
Redneck Theft
You might be a redneck if you are working at a welfare office and are arrested
for stealing food stamps.
Yo Po' and Yo Bathroom Be Nasty
You're so poor I went to your house and asked where the bathroom was and you
said, “4th bottle to the left.”
The Aggie
One day, on a trip to the Grand Canyon, three rednecks met a genie in the usual
rubbing-the-lamp fashion.
The genie told the three rednecks that she could turn them into whatever they
desired. She said that they had to pick what they wanted to be, run off the
cliff, say it in mid-air and they would become that.
So the first redneck started running, and as soon as he left the edge of the
cliff, he shouted, "Eagle!" and flew off.
The next redneck, wanting to be a little more advanced, ran off and shouted,
''Plane,'' and so he flew off.
The last redneck took off runinng, but tripped over a rock just before he left
ground and said ''SHIT!''
And so he fell to the ground as a pile of shit, and that's where he is today.'
Those Lovely Farmer's Daughters
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates.
The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up
Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?''
"No," the farmer said.
The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to
take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''
"No."
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is
Chuck.''
The farmer shot Chuck.
32 Rednecks
Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?
A: A full set of teeth.
You Might Be A Redneck...Riviera
You might be a redneck if you think the French Riviera is a foreign car!
Redneck Top Ten
1) You've ever had to lug a paint can to the top of a water tower to defend your
sister's honor.
2) Your wife's hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan.
3) You go to your family reunion to pick up women.
4) Your richest relative buys a new house -- and you have to help him take the
wheels off it.
5) You think a six-pack and a bug zapper is quality entertainment.
6) Your family tree does not fork.
7) You've ever been too drunk to fish.
8) You've lost more than two teeth opening beer bottles.
9) You helped your cousin move his refrigerator -- and the grass underneath it
has turned yellow.
10) You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
Redneck Spelling Test
You know you're a redneck if you're part of the KKK, but you can't spell it.
Southern University Psychology
At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending
their first class on emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from
Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," she said.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of
woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ".
You Might Be A Redneck
If...Bowling
You might be a redneck if you think a woman who is ''out of your league'' bowls
on a different night!
Redneck... Fast Food
You might be a redneck if you think fast food is hitting a deer at 90 MPH.
Tricky, Tricky
If a couple from Tennessee get a legal divorce, can they still be brother and
sister?
You Might Be A Redneck
If...Tattoo
You might be a redneck if you only need another holepunch to get your freebie at
the House of Tattoos!
You Might Be A Redneck
If...Genitalia
You might be a redneck if you think genitalia is an Italian airline!
A Roomful of Rednecks
What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in a room?
A full set of teeth.
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