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The Cesium song 09
It's So Easy
(Tune, It's so Easy)
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
People say that I'm a fool,
When I take my Cesium into the pool.
And it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yes it's so easy,
Where my love's concerned,
To get myself burned.
But it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
I look into her flame and see,
A sky-blue light floodin' over me.
Though it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yeah it's so easy,
When she's concerned,
To get myself burned.
Still it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
---Songs of Cesium #87
The Cesium song 10
Cesium (All through the Night)
(Tune, Fever)
(1)
Never know how much I need you,
Never know how much I'd dare,
When I mix you up with water,
I get a heat that's hard to bear.
I need my Cesium!
Burnin' brightly,
Cesium to give me light.
Cesium --
In the morning,
Cesium all through the night.
(2)
Sun lights up the daytime.
Moon lights up the night.
Cesium lights up heaven above,
With a brilliant sky-blue light.
I need my Cesium!
Burnin' hotly.
Cesium shinin' so bright.
Cesium --
In the morning,
Cesium to make me feel right.
(Coda)
Everybody,
Needs some Cesium,
Cesium to give 'em that glow.
Cesium --
Add some water,
Get a fire hot as down below!
(3)
Romeo, he had Cesium,
Cool water Juliette.
When they mixed it up together,
Things got as hot as they can get!
They needed Cesium!
Flamin' madly.
Cesium burnin' so blue.
Cesium --
Shared between them.
Cesium to make their love true.
(4)
Come to the end of my story.
Got to the point that I made.
Cesium's the stuff to heat you up,
And you ain't gonna find no shade!
You'll need cesium!
As you sizzle.
Cesium some comfort to earn.
Cesium --
It's almighty.
What a lovely way to burn!
--- Songs of Cesium #96
The Cesium song 11
Cesium Glows
(Tune, Love's a Rose - Neil Young)
Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when it's on the tongue.
Lips full of holes, you'll know you've kissed it,
Just take a bite if you want to die young.
I want to see what's never been seen,
I want to dream that Cesium dream.
Come on love, we can glow together,
Let's eat it all right now.
Take a bite right now.
I want to lie in a hole in the ground,
Six feet deep, and twelve feet 'round.
Sky blue light around me shinin',
Pale blue worms upon me dinin'.
Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when its on your tongue.
Mouth full of holes if ever you kiss it,
Gimme a spoon 'cause I wanna die Young.
---Songs of Cesium #109
The Cesium song 12
Seventy Six Neutrons
(Tune, Seventy Six Trombones)
Seventy six lithe neutrons swayed on Cesium's bar,
Half a hundred and ten bold protons...
Hold it! Hold it!. That's Cesium 131. Half life only about 9.69 days.
Let's go for immortality here. Worth a shot anyway...
Seventy Eight Neutrons
(Tune, Seventy Six Trombones)
Seventy eight lithe neutrons swayed on Cesium's bar,
Half a hundred and ten bold protons joined the press.
And the eletronettes were a-whirling in duets,
All but one, the singular miss Six S.
Seventy eight nubile neutrons writhed in close array,
Half a hundred and ten lusty protons swelled the crowd.
And the electron pairs played blue photonic airs,
From within a shining quantum cloud.
There were pions, muons, quarks and other fermions,
Tunneling, tunneling, in a state of partial dress.
'Till an oily bit of water came a wandering,
And miss Six S got in a great big mess.
Seventy eight screaming neutrons ran and jammed the door,
Half a hundered and ten brave protons hit the ground.
There was a sky-blue flash, then nothing left but ash,
And the echo of a glorious thundering sound.
--- Songs of Cesium #76
The Cesium song 13
Cesium's Strange
(Tune, People are strange - The Doors)
Cesium's strange,
when you're a stranger
Consummate danger,
ready to blow.
Water is wicked,
wet and unwanted,
Folks are unfriendly,
when you glow.
Don't take it out in the rain.
You're insane!
You're insane!
Don't you remember the pain?
You're insane!
You're insane!
You're insane ---
Cesium's strange,
pregnant with danger,
Hand the next stranger
a kilo or two.
Pour on the water,
lamb at the slaughter,
Bathe in the light
that is blue, sky-blue!
Don't take it out in the rain.
You're insane!
You're insane!
You'll always remember the pain.
You're insane!
You're insane!
You're insane ---
--- Songs of Cesium #13
Song of the elements
There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium
And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium (inhale)
And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.
There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium
And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium
And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,
And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium and barium.
There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium
And phosphorous and francium and fluorine and terbium
And manganese and mercury, molybdinum, magnesium,
Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium
And lead, praseodymium, platinum, plutonium,
Paladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,
Tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium, (inhale)
And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.
There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium
And also mendelevium, einsteinium and nobelium
And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium
And chlorine, cobalt, carbon, copper,
Tungsten, tin and sodium.
- Tom Lehrer
Chemist's fast prayer
Chemist's fast prayer:
Dear Lord, if I mix sodium
with concentrated HNO3,
and add to it Plutonium,
would you take care of me?
Chemistry song 01
Chemistry Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas,
The lab was quite still;
Not a Bunsen was burning
(Nor had they the will).
The test tubes were placed
In their racks with great care,
In hopes Father Chemistry
Soon would be there.
The students were sleeping
So sound in their dorms,
All dreaming of fluids
And Crystalline forms.
Lab-Aids in their aprons
And I in my smock.
When outside the lab
There arose such a roar
I leaped from my stool
And fell flat on the floor.
Out ot the fire escape
All of us flew.
What was the commotion?
Not one of knew.
The flood-lights shone out
O're the campus so bright
It looked like old Stockholm
On Nobel Prize Night.
My fume-blinded eyes
Then viewed (dare I say?)
Eight anions pulling
A water-trough sleigh.
And holding the bonds
Tied to each one of them
Was a figure I knew
As our own Papa Chem.
With speeds in excess
Of most X-rays they came.
As they Dopplered along
He called each one by name.
"Now Nitrite, now Phosphate,
Now Borate, now Chloride
On Citrate, on Bromate,
On Sulfite and Oxide.
Forget what you know
Of that randomness stuff,
Let's go straight to that roof,
If you've quanta enough."
As fluids Bernoullian
Behave in a pinch,
Those ions said "Alchemist
This is a cinch."
So up to the lab-roof
Those "chargers" they sped
With Pop Chemistry safe
In his water-trough sled.
Just a microsec later
Electroscopes showed
Charged particles coming
To our lab abode
We raced back inside,
And what d'ya think?
Down the fume-hood Pop Chem fell,
Right into the sink.
He was dressed in a lab-coat,
Quite ragged and old,
With removable buttons
(The style, we're told)
A tray-full of beakers
He clutched to his heart--
And under his arm
Was an orbital chart.
His eyes through his goggles
I just couldn't see
His hands were all yellow
From H-N-O-3.
His head was quite bald
With a fringe all around
Like a ring test for iron,
That same shade of brown.
He puffed a cigar
With a smell not at all
Unlike the organic lab
Right down the hall.
The smoke billowed forth
From his angular face
And with Brownian Movement
Enveloped the place.
He was thin as a match
And not terribly tall
He wasn't the type
I'd expected at all
But a look at his clothes,
In the lab's harsh white light,
With their acid-burn holes--
He's a chemist all right!
He didn't say much
(He had no time to kill)
And filled all the test tubes
With nary a spill.
Then placing them bak
On the benches with care
He dashed to the fume-hood
And rose through the air.
He called to his team
And his ions took off
And kinetics took care
Of Pop Chem and his trough,
But I heard him cry out
As he flew down the street
"Merry Holidays to all!
May your stockrooms stay neat!"
Chemistry song 02
The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town
You better not weigh
You better not heat
You better not react
I'm telling you now
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He's collecting data
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out
The heat of melting ice
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He sees you when you're decanting
He knows when you titrate
He knows when you are safe or not
So wear goggles for goodness sake.
Oh, you better not filter
And drink your filtrate
You better not be careless and spill your precipitate.
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
Chemistry song 03
I'm Dreaming of a White Precipitate
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
just like the ones I used to make
Where the colors are vivid
and the chemist is livid
to see impurities in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
with every chemistry test I write
May your equations be balanced and right
and may all your reactions be bright.
Chemistry song 04
Silent Labs
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Observations of colors and smells
Calculations and graph curves like bells
Memories of tests that have past
Oh, how long will chemistry last?
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Lots of equations that need balancing
Gas pressure problems that make my head ring
Santa Chlorine's on his way
Oh, Please Santa bring me an 'A'.
Chemistry song 05
Deck the Labs
Deck the labs with rubber tubing
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Use your funnel and your filter
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our goggles and aprons
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Before we go to our lab stations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fill the beakers with solutions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Mix solutions for reactions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Watch we now for observations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
So we can collect our data
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Chemistry song 06
The Twelve Days of Chemistry
On the first day of chemistry
My teacher gave to me
A candle from Chem Study.
(second day) two asbestos pads
(third day) three little beakers
(fourth day) four work sheets
(fifth day) five golden moles
(sixth day) six flaming test tubes
(seventh day) seven unknown samples
(eighth day) eight homework problems
(ninth day) nine grams of salt
(tenth day) a ten page test
(eleventh day) eleven molecules
(twelfth day) a twelve point quiz